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Old May 15, 2012   #1
nohead
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My Honors English Report
Walt Whitman

I chose Walkt Whitman for my biography report because Mr. Farlow said that if I wasn't going to take this class seriously and pick a real poet I might as well not come to class anymore. Walk Whitman was an awful child molester who was born in ancient Hong Kong. He is over 3000 years old and remembers the names of all the forgotten Gods.

Walt Whitman is 90 stories tall, and his adventures are legendary. With his blue Ox, Emily Dickenson, Walt Whitman traveled across young America and helped the nation grow into the angry powerhouse it is today. he dropped his mighty axe, forming the Grand Canyon, the apple cores he would spit from his mighty mouth planted apple trees all across the country, and the stomp of his mighty boot caused the stock market to crash. he and his friend, Huck Finn, traveled down the Mississippi river and freed the slaves. Walt Whitman believed that the only good china man was a dead china man, so he went to Tiananmen Square and gave them all candy. Except instead of candy he killed them.

Walt Whitman might seem like a real cool buy but in reality he's a whiny ass pussy. His Livejournal, which he doesn't think anyone knows about, is full of whiny goth poetry. His Current Mood is always Apathetic and his music is always some obscure punk band that no one has ever heard of. Some people who pretended to be his friend so they could access to his "friends only" posts and made a book from them, and calleed it "Ode to Faggotry." When they found out other goth kids would actually read it, they changed the name to "Leaves of Grass" and it sold like goth cakes. Walt Whitman to this day doesn't know they're selling his poems and making a fortune off him. They still didn't invite him to the parties though, because no one likes him.
Walt Whitman died a lonely man in Walt Disney Land. He was on the gondola ride and he fell out because he wasn't fastened properly to the restraint. Thanks to his dumb ass, now none of us can ride it anymore. Thanks a lot Walt Whitman.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen
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Old May 15, 2012   #2
Sage
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how can something 90 stories tall ride a blue ox?
but i see you are real creative xd
'dropping his mighty axe, forming the Grand Canyon'
Sleepless about you
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Old May 15, 2012   #3
nohead
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This is just something I wrote in frustration of my dumbass english teacher's teaching skills. I actually turned this in, so I'm just wondering what you guys think (:
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen
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Old May 15, 2012   #4
trooperox1
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Yeah, you are really creative, I really liked it, good luck.
Bleh.
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Old May 15, 2012   #5
Gynx
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It's your English report and you forget the basics, like capitalisation?

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Old May 16, 2012   #6
vespesi3n
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whoa gynx you critique really hard
never letting you proofread one of my papers
Mosier: tl;dr gay clothing thoughts
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Old May 16, 2012   #7
sid
it was probably akmal
 
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Feh, the whole thing didn't have much of a spark and your points really didn't connect. The guy stomps the shit out of china, yet he's classified as a "whiny emo pussy"? Did you seriously just use child molesting for shock value, because that's awfully plain and boring. It sounds more like you're lashing out at your teacher than anything else, which by the way you suck at. If you're going to think so highly of yourself, at least bother to deliver.
<&Fish>: did you just infract the toribot?
<&Fish>: you're fired
<BISH> the subtle hint of crayon nipple
<bishopONE>: also yeah fisting
<ryan> the dongs have eyes
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Old May 16, 2012   #8
DarkAmaris
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Hmmm... I find this interesting...
It's just kinda boring to me..
you need to add something to give it some... "Pizzaz!"
Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone... which actually makes it fair.
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Old May 16, 2012   #9
nohead
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Originally Posted by Gynx View Post
It's your English report and you forget the basics, like capitalisation?

Ouch, bashing on a second language learner must really make you feel good. Plus, this isn't really my report, its just something that I handed in with my paper.

Sid, this is something that I thought you guys might find humorous. But apparently not. Thanks man.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen

Last edited by nohead; May 16, 2012 at 12:02 PM..
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Old May 16, 2012   #10
sid
it was probably akmal
 
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You know, "don't hurt the cripple" would be an appropriate response to criticism anywhere else in the world, but welcome to the Internet, where half the users AREN'T from English-speaking countries. I'd love to read your legit report
<&Fish>: did you just infract the toribot?
<&Fish>: you're fired
<BISH> the subtle hint of crayon nipple
<bishopONE>: also yeah fisting
<ryan> the dongs have eyes
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