Hi everyone, I've been toiling away at this joke for a while now, I think I'm going to tell it at my local open mic tonight, let me know what y'all think!
There was a fella, a little boy in school, named Dirty Johnny. Now, it's not dirty, this joke, but he'd always be the hellion in class and the teacher didn't think much of him. So the teacher has an in-class thing, where she says, "Now, here's what you're gonna do here, class, I want you to stand up and tell a story from your life, and afterwards say the moral to that story."
So, a girl puts up her hand.
"Yes, Becky? What's your story?"
So, Becky stands up and goes,
"Well, my dad works for the hatchery, here in town, and he had gotten about 15 eggs, and put them all in one basket, and he put it on the horse and buggy and drove back home, and by God, due to all of the bouncin', all the eggs broke."
"Well, that's a good story", the teacher says, "but what would the moral be to that?"
Becky said, "Well, the moral is, don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Well by golly", said the teacher, "that's a good one."
"Anybody else?"
Marjorie puts up her hand. "Marjorie, what's your story?"
She says, "well, my dad works for the hatchery, as most... all of us... thank God for the hatchery, or we'd all be lost!"
Marjorie continues, "but anyways, my dad knows that eggs become chickens, so he was counting his chickens but included the eggs as chickens, and afterwards he put them on a horse and buggy to go into town and they all broke."
"Well, what's the lesson to that?" asked the teacher.
"Well, don't count your chickens before they hatch!" said Marjorie.
The teacher says, "that's a great one too! Anybody else?"
Wouldn't you know Dirty Johnny has his hand up?
The teacher struggles internally, "Holy God... I don't want it... but on the other hand... I made an oath to... every child should have the opportunity to... suppose I gotta..."
"Alright, Dirty Johnny, what do you have to say?"
Dirty Johnny stands up, adjusting his pants, "this story's about my Uncle Terry, and he never worked at the hatchery on account of he was in Vietnam, and he got disability. He doesn't even like people who work at the hatchery. But this story happened faaaar from these shores. In a little town called 'Da Nang'. Terry was not well-liked. His whole troop left him. Abandoned. And he woke up, in the weeds, and all they left him was a few bottles of Jack Daniels, and some weapons. Terry stood up, downed one bottle right away, said 'well, if I'm going out, I'm going out.', took his Kalashnikov, two bottles and away he went. He found a town. And he didn't know if it was Charlie or if it was one he was sent to protect. But all he knew is that he had hate in his gut. So he started firing. And he fired the Kalashnikov in an arcing motion, like a farmer would with a scythe, and sure enough, the men fell like hay before him, and then the women, and by God I am ashamed to say it, and then the children. And finally, all that was left was Uncle Terry, standing in the mud, and the blood, and the glory. He touched his pants and felt a wetness. He felt shame, Uncle Terry, for he had pissed himself. He touched himself again, and it was not urine at all, but ejaculate! Uncle Terry then felt pride, where shame once was."
The teacher goes "Good Christ! What kind of story is that? What the hell is the moral to that?"
"Well," he says, "when Uncle Terry's been drinkin', you don't fuck with him!"
