ever wanted your parents to love you?
what about waking up in the morning and not feel tired?
maybe that overwhelming desire for that flame in your loveless marriage to rekindle?

sorry bud cant help you there, but what you can receive instead is a sexy ass shark on your head!

for only 5 monthly payments of $19.99 15,000tc* this shining star of evolution could be resting atop your tori's head!

*trades and/or haggling accepted

im sold, sent

sent and closed, thank you!