cheif, stop telling us you're closed. We all know. My advice to you is to edit your first post on this thread with a "We are closed" message, and, if you like, ask a mod to lock the thread.
"Call yourself alive? I promise you you'll be deafened by dust falling on the furniture,
you'll feel your eyebrows turning to two gashes, and your shoulder blades will ache for want of wings."