I think my death is nigh!
I've been vomiting oot me arse for a good 24 hours, bacterial infection in my stomach methinks... pain and some more pain.
Farting is a very hazardous occupation the now, my bedding has been in the wash, and are now in the tumble dryer, I'll let that sink in, so to speak...

My stomach is making sounds like that of artillery fire in the distance, it is like there's a mini-Ukraine inside my intestines, the pressure is building up, I feel my bowls weaken. Mom's spaghetti, covered in Tuna's own gravy.

Okay, did you enjoy that? I'm currently in pain and need some fags(The type of fucking tobacco you ignorant 'muricans) and a nice course of antibiotics.