i think this went pretty successfully, yes theres a bunch of grabbing but its my first so i think i did pretty well. how can i improve? again, i'm open to critics.

You did well, yes.
My only suggestion would have been to go for a splitkick in the beginning. But it is fine that way.
You seem to have a nice understanding of Toris movements.
Maybe less grab but that's not necessary.
You could have posted it in the Replays forum.

You struggle too much with the hits and you made a really bad self DM. Try get cleaner hits and relax more. Throw in some more power and take out some of the grab and you have potential my friend ;)