Toribash
Original Post
How do I get out of my Melancholia ?
That's it, i'm mostly done.

I'te been around 5/6 years. Being depressed, then reached the state of Melancholia, barely hanging on for my small circle of friends and familly.

I'm scaring people "Why does he never smile ? What is that look he got ?", meeting people and making good friends is starting to get harder and harder. I got the feeling that if my life end, that would be a way to free myself, but on the other hand, I do not want to leave the people that love me.

This states of mood H24/7 is killing me from the inside.

Where did it begins ?...
Something like 7 years ago...I was in a new country, new school. It turned bad, really bad. I got bullied and abused, physically and mentally. They called me name, they put me apart, like a strange animal because i was "different" , i was quieter, and more calm.

I lived like this for 4 years, never told anyone, till the end, when we where moving out to another country. I was really broken, more broken than I am right now, without the help of some people, I will still be in the state I was 3 years ago. I came to a new country again, new school, maybe an opportunity to free my mind.

I was mute, and I stayed mute for almost 2 years, I spoke sometimes, rarely, to some people that acted nice to me, that weren't afraid of the boy hiding under his hood (No matters how the wheater was).

Then i swapped again school. This year was probably the best Year i add in the last 8 years of my small life. I met some good people, people that tried their best to get me more smiling. People i listenned to and gave advice, they found in me a shy boy that was kind and saying what he was thinking without judging them, and i found in them , in those people, friends that could give me a hug if i said loud i wasnt feeling alright.

Even so, i'm still not smilling, i'm still too shy, still afraid of the crowd and some people, i'm afraid to live again the nightmare that was my life for 6 years.

The only thing that calm me down and help me out in the worst moment is music, i wish i could find someone that make me feel the way music does. I wish i could get better, that i could remove that frikin mask i used to wear to protect myself from the look of the people over me.

I'm depressive, more than depressive. And I want to get better without using any sorts of Medical treatment. I met great people on Toribash too, so that's a big part of the reason i've posted this. I believe that the toribash community isnt a community filled with 12 yo' kid just good at being rude and mocking people for who they are.

Maybe I fucked up a bit while redacting (Like how i Organizated it) this post, English isn't my mother tongue, I did what i could.
French Player, Old member of OFRO
I'm not in any clubs, actually there's no club at all, only some kind of sport you can subscribe too and do after school some afternoon.

I've gotten good in art since it was my only way to have my own "shelter" , creating my own world in my mind, with music, drawing...etc.

I'm in a club out of school, doing natation since 2/3 years, i'm already at a competitive level.
French Player, Old member of OFRO
All your problem is that you barely trust anyone, even those who you think you trust, you still afraid that's why you're shy.
My advice?
Hang with them around me, get to know each other more, no need for clubs to hang out with your friends, all you need is a good place sit together and talk, you can even tell them about your problem, and wait for the results, you've went kind of very selective-social person, that's all, but you seem like an interesting person anyways, I'm not saying this because I want you to feel better only, but I truly feel this, probably you yourself don't know yourself well, what you're good in.
Proud member of Thief
Originally Posted by ClownDevil View Post
All your problem is that you barely trust anyone, even those who you think you trust, you still afraid that's why you're shy.
My advice?
Hang with them around me, get to know each other more, no need for clubs to hang out with your friends, all you need is a good place sit together and talk, you can even tell them about your problem, and wait for the results, you've went kind of very selective-social person, that's all, but you seem like an interesting person anyways, I'm not saying this because I want you to feel better only, but I truly feel this, probably you yourself don't know yourself well, what you're good in.

You're probably right...

I already have 2 friends that know i have issues and are sometimes gettin to the main topic everytime i seem to not speak out loud of the problem...

I also have a huge problem trusting my own capacities / myself, and i tried to fix this problem with sport (natation) to get a better body and more self esteem, work on most parts.


For my shyness degree...I'm sometimes afraid of saying hello to people i know, i can't go see them and be "Hey, What's up ! How you doin ?". I just can't. Have to force myself sometimes to do it, it doesnt happen with just some people (Like 5/6 people , family not included).
Last edited by HawkeyeTFA; Jun 12, 2016 at 05:00 AM.
French Player, Old member of OFRO
Originally Posted by Dare View Post
I think ur main problem here is shyness. If u can start trying to be less shy. Tell urself "I will talk to these people today without showing any sadness. Then when u come back home u'll be quite proud of urself. After just keep on doing that until talking to people becomes natural. I'm sure u will change to the better.

I have the whole holliday to do that, look like i've got the time to force myself out on that one.

If you have any others idea, i'll take it
French Player, Old member of OFRO
Originally Posted by HawkeyeTFA View Post
You're probably right...

I already have 2 friends that know i have issues and are sometimes gettin to the main topic everytime i seem to not speak out loud of the problem...

I also have a huge problem trusting my own capacities / myself, and i tried to fix this problem with sport (natation) to get a better body and more self esteem, work on most parts.


For my shyness degree...I'm sometimes afraid of saying hello to people i know, i can't go see them and be "Hey, What's up ! How you doin ?". I just can't. Have to force myself sometimes to do it, it doesnt happen with just some people (Like 5/6 people , family not included).

You're kind of anti-social not insulting, this is your personally since you're that shy. that's nice that you already started building your own confidence, you mentioned you're good at art, is this talent special at your class? if it's, then it's your chance, do your best and show them your job, you don't have to go to them to show them though, you just draw around them and they will come to you, that's what I personally do, if you do show them then I guess you're already getting way better but you've a good way to pass through your shyness, but a question: is there a specific reason why you're shy? is it all because of the past or you were always like that?
and well, it's not all about saying hey though, you don't have topics to start with I guess? try to know what they prefer so you get into topics and discussions with them, like soccer teams or something, by that only you will get rid of your shyness even without noticing, because you will be dragged into conversation, btw try to open yourself to more people, get yourself a best friend(special one with your own choice, most likely the most one you trust), a wise one who can listen and react with your problems.
Last edited by ClownDevil; Jun 12, 2016 at 06:19 AM.
Proud member of Thief
Originally Posted by ClownDevil View Post
You're kind of anti-social not insulting, this is your personally since you're that shy. that's nice that you already started building your own confidence, you mentioned you're good at art, is this talent special at your class? if it's, then it's your chance, do your best and show them your job, you don't have to go to them to show them though, you just draw around them and they will come to you, that's what I personally do, if you do show them then I guess you're already getting way better but you've a good way to pass through your shyness, but a question: is there a specific reason why you're shy? is it all because of the past or you were always like that?
and well, it's not all about saying hey though, you don't have topics to start with I guess? try to know what they prefer so you get into topics and discussions with them, like soccer teams or something, by that only you will get rid of your shyness even without noticing, because you will be dragged into conversation, btw try to open yourself to more people, get yourself a best friend(special one with your own choice, most likely the most one you trust), a wise one who can listen and react with your problems.

I already got one best friend, he's a bit like me, he don't interact too much with others people and is kind of a introvert.

For the shyness...I'll think i'm trying to protect myself, even if i'm not aware, i'm maybe still scared of gettin hurt by people.

Anyway, going to work on this and i'll try to give you an update in some time.
French Player, Old member of OFRO
If you like art and music then try to get into those a bit. If you pour yourself into the things you have a passion for other things tend to feel less significant.

Not to mention, if you find a talent for them it can build confidence.


There's a decent community for music here. Most other people into music are generally pretty helpful, and if you need help you can PM me, SkyWhale, Cheshyre, cowmeat, Lazors or just post any of your work in the art board
First of all, depression is SERIOUS, and i recommend seeking professional help. It doesn't have to involve pills, there are plenty of therapists around who don't go like "yes eat these they make you stronk".

Secondly, in my wholly uneducated opinion (so don't take this for a diagnosis), it sounds to me like you've developed some nasty social anxiety. Why? Well, i've kind of gone through the same, albeit not as severely (i was "only" verbally/emotionally abused by my peers). It has left scars, and they are dreadfully slow to heal. A lot of what you're saying sounds painfully familiar to me. Being shy, being afraid, putting on a mask, almost all of it. Hell, it took me the better part of 4 years to build up the courage to finally tell my parents that yes, i like to draw things! (seriously, not even kidding, that was terrifying)

So, what helps? Well, again, i can recommend therapy (i went to group therapy, it was great, even if it was utterly nervewracking at times), but in much simpler terms, exposure. As unpleasant as it may be, you'll have to face your fear if you want to conquer it, though of course it's best to start in a safe environment, i.e. with friends. Just know that it's okay to be afraid, and that the feeling alone won't hurt you. Every time you face your fear and don't back down, it becomes that little bit easier to face it again, and while it probably will hang on for a long time, you just gotta take it one step at a time.

Also, it's also worth noting that being quiet and shy doesn't make you a bad person. Hell, most quiet and shy people are stereotyped as intelligent and thoughtful individuals, so there you go. :v
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