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Old Jul 27, 2016   #1
Oxide
Senior Member
 
4th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 903



Innermost Thoughts. (GONE PHILOSOPHICAL)
See, I love to jump in bandwagons. Since this seems to be cool to do, I'm doing it.
In all seriousness, It's nice to have a place where you can just let go, and have your life as an open book. It's nice to have some people that don't care, but still read your stuff.

So, to start off: I have a topic that may make me seem like a self absorbed narcissist, but believe me, I have better ones down the road.
Me.
I'd like to clarify who I am, not outside here covered by the mask of anger.
See, you have to peel the layers of the onion to find your true self. What I meant by that was that our best self, our most superior, most humane self lies deep down. The layers, come when we supposedly 'mature', that's when the ego kicks in, the prejudice, the hate.
if i am boring you, then be warned: the topics are around the same, philosophical and thoughtful.
One more thing, we know each other's names, but we prefer to call each other by aliases, by our hidden identities.
It is because of our anonymity, it's essentially creative freedom and freedom of speech. It's our true desires, ideals and thoughts that come to life when using the internet under an alias.
Reminds me of the Stanford Prison experiment and Abu Ghraib. Turns out humanity is inimical when hidden, yet truly exposed.

And yes, these are my thoughts, my views, unfiltered. You will usually find them in a rant filtered through my stained glass, which is affected by my attitude, bias and experience.
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Old Jul 27, 2016   #2
Onsola
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6th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,039
Clan: Vector



Quite deep indeed, I don't know if you want to have replies from people here or not.
<Xioi> Become one with the bleach
Steam
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Old Aug 23, 2016   #3
Oxide
Senior Member
 
4th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 903



Sure man, you can post as long as it conveys a message and is related in some way.
Also, I made a post 3 weeks ago as well, but the power went out and then I didn't bother recreating it.
Anyway.
Yesterday, I felt what being depressed was.
Not saying I am depressed, just how it feels for a brief period of time.
It's that helplessness, that vulnerability that just amplifies during it.
You see, I'm happy, have good friends, good grades and good achievements, but in the end I go to bed as an unhappy person. Why?
Family.
Strong language ahead
They are ignorant, imperious and insensitive maggots who don't fucking bother to look at someone's qualities. One fucking blemish they see in a person they immediately take to exaggerate those things and turn a blind eye to the good things that there are in a person.
So my parents, they didn't make me do chores and still pretty much don't make me do chores around the house, and my cousin does. So his paternal grandmother, that fucking piece of shit, she applauds that dumbass kid who has nothing better to do, which is indirectly a way of criticizing me and my way of living. Why the hell do you care, old woman? I'm an organised, busy person who has better things to do. I don't do other people's work. That's what you old motherfuckers teach kids too. "Do your own work". Why don't you too as well?
That makes me angry, that makes me helpless.
What can I do to stop this? Nothing. I can do more chores but I don't want to, that's just the way I am. That's why I crave that freedom that is just 5 years away.
So close, yet so far.
Hate Club.
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Old Aug 23, 2016   #4
Onsola
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6th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,039
Clan: Vector



They are ignorant, imperious and insensitive maggots who don't fucking bother to look at someone's qualities

After reading what you posted I can conclude that you don't get on well with your cousin's grandmother. You did not say much about the rest the rest of your family, so this will be based on what you said;

When ppl get old they tend to change,and eventually get quite annoying compared to how they where quite some time ago. This happens with my grand aunt who is 90ish and really annoying. When this happens there is not much to do, after all the won't change (unless you drug them but I guess you would not, right?) so be nice with her for the last couple years she has left, and you might even get to know her kind side.
About your cousin: lmao do I really need to add anything else?

That's why I crave that freedom that is just 5 years away.

I used to be like that a while ago, but now that I am a year from being "free" I am more worried about other stuff that come with this "freedom", such as work, where to lie and univercity. So try to enjoy this time you have left in which all you have to worry about is that annoying hrandmother and school.
<Xioi> Become one with the bleach
Steam

Last edited by Onsola; Aug 23, 2016 at 10:57 PM..
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Old Aug 24, 2016   #5
Oxide
Senior Member
 
4th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 903



Originally Posted by Onsola View Post
After reading what you posted I can conclude that you don't get on well with your cousin's grandmother. You did not say much about the rest the rest of your family, so this will be based on what you said;

When ppl get old they tend to change,and eventually get quite annoying compared to how they where quite some time ago. This happens with my grand aunt who is 90ish and really annoying. When this happens there is not much to do, after all the won't change (unless you drug them but I guess you would not, right?) so be nice with her for the last couple years she has left, and you might even get to know her kind side.
About your cousin: lmao do I really need to add anything else?

Alright, I'll tell you about my family.
Only maternal though, since I know 3 people in my paternal family. lol.
So it consists of my grandfather, my grandmother (stepmother to 4 kids of my grandfather), 7 kids of his, 5 boys and 2 girls, and one of them is my mom.
So 5 uncles and 1 aunt.
I despise most of those uncles, almost all actually. So the 2nd eldest considers himself to be some king or something, little bitch.
So here's a story about him:
When he came from the UK to our home a few years ago to visit, we took real good care of him, and that son of a bitch (he's the one who has my grandmother as his stepmother so he hates her) goes back home and writes email to all members of the family and in that email he says how badly he was treated, etc. Son of a whore.
So those 3rd and 4th eldest sons are okay, but I hate one of the 4th eldest's kids. An uptight kid who has superiority complex towards me, calling me 'mad' (as in crazy), 'lazy' etc.
I won't deny that I'm lazy, but not physically. The laziness that is there, is the one where I'm told to do stuff. Hell, you tell me to do something, and expect me to do it quick too? Why don't you do it yourself then?
And I hate all kids of the eldest son and both kids of the 2nd eldest I was talking about earlier.
The eldest son's kids are the most, and I am not exaggerating this, the most show-off, arrogant people on the planet. The eldest kid of his, his daughter, went to Washington University or some shit to do a BACHELOR'S in Arts.
We all know undergrad in the US is like a picnic, and she thinks she's hit some real goal or something.
And the 2nd eldest kid, also a daughter, will go to some university I haven't ever heard of, to do a Bachelor's in Law. I don't know about that though, but what I do know she acts real diva-like and like she is a model on facebook uploading pictures of herself and her siblings all the time.
And the youngest kid, a son, is the one who bounces around acting up on his father's money.
He's "real good and real rich and got so many friends yeah im popular in school nigga" type who just tries to show as much of his #richlife and #blessedlife and #goodlife as possible. Most show off person I have ever met.

About the 2nd eldest son's kids. He has 2, the older one a daughter and younger one a son.
I have nothing against the daughter, I haven't met either kid since I was 5 or 7 or something like that. She's doing neurology as her college course and I don't think she's showing off about it, so that's good.
So the younger one, the fuckall wannabe Michael Jackson has some addiction to dancing and pop music and all. Hey, that might be 'cool' and 'hip' to wear fully shiny clothes and dance to bollywood songs in your hometown which is in the UK, but still man, didn't your fucking mother or father teach you Islam?
I bet he doesn't even pray, or does anything that a muslim would do, I doubt he ever has.
So as most of you know music that makes you do wrong things and music in general is banned in Islam, much less dancing. Dancing is just outright prohibited, right?
And this guy fucking dances on stage to Bollywood songs.
What the fuck is he doing in his life?

So yeah, that's my fucked up family
Fucked up, for real. Can never be fixed.
Mmm and I'm the most underrated person in this shithole divided 'family'.
So they think I'm dumb or something, man. They treat me as an outcast, what the fuck? And I'm smarter than all of them, seriously.
Originally Posted by Onsola View Post
I used to be like that a while ago, but now that I am a year from being "free" I am more worried about other stuff that come with this "freedom", such as work, where to lie and univercity. So try to enjoy this time you have left in which all you have to worry about is that annoying hrandmother and school.

Oh, right. You think you got me, Onsola, but you really didn't.
Oh hell you didn't. Lol.

Dude I had that almost fully figured out in 7th grade, and now I have it fully figured out.
It's simple, really. I even know how to do taxes and I learn how to drove when I was in 6th grade.
lol you think im your regular angsty teenager but no man
Hate Club.
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Old Sep 25, 2016   #6
Lust
Forumite
 
2nd Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 2,268



My family's having a fucked up situation as well.
On my father's side we have a grandmother and a grandfather, with 3 sons and the youngest is a daughter. The eldest is my father. It all started when my grandmother, who is addicted gambling and money-greedy, tried to sell our car. My parents got angry and had no choice but to buy it from her. Idk why but my grandmother got furious. We moved to our mother's grandmothert's house, but she has a thing with my dad idk what, nobody knows what thoughts lurk in her brain nowadays. My dad's brother, the 2nd youngest, is a seaman and opened a review center, where my brother works and my dad used to work, because dad handled all the money and my uncle suspects that he steals from the money, even though all the spendings were made by him and his wife who JUST LOVES TO GO ON SENSELESS TRIPS. But that's what they told my dad's parents so our reputation was just gettibg ruined and ruined in there. Btw, the youngest daughter of dads family tends to steal from my grandfathers wallet, same with grandma. We have no problem with the 2nd son, hes a cool uncle and his chuldren are very cute. Its oks
Tho because i still get money from my grandparents each month

This isnt even the full story yet
-----
Oh, right. You think you got me, Onsola, but you really didn't.
Oh hell you didn't. Lol.

Dude I had that almost fully figured out in 7th grade, and now I have it fully figured out.
It's simple, really. I even know how to do taxes and I learn how to drove when I was in 6th grade.
lol you think im your regular angsty teenager but no man

Judging by the way u planned this all out, you really want to leave home do u? Ive never been that desperate to leave home, but ive always wanted to live alone and not give a fuck about anyone whom i dont have a close relationship with.

Last edited by Lust; Sep 25, 2016 at 04:15 AM.. Reason: <24 hour edit/bump
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Old Oct 3, 2016   #7
Oxide
Senior Member
 
4th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 903



Originally Posted by Lust View Post
Judging by the way u planned this all out, you really want to leave home do u? Ive never been that desperate to leave home, but ive always wanted to live alone and not give a fuck about anyone whom i dont have a close relationship with.

Yeah, I'm really eager, although not desperate.
I've been refining my survival skills since I was about to be 12, as I said.
Though the process is still going on. It takes time to buff up doesn't it?
Also, it takes a lot of practice to shoot well too. Oh well, we'll get there.

Do you guys have any mental disorders?
You might probably say no but we all do have some minor/actual cases, since in the last 70 years psychiatrists decided to classify human behavior as disorders.
I have minor PTSD/anxiety attacks related to some accident I had, and it's only triggered when you ask how I saw at that time
I imagine black, and I can actually feel my heart rate going up for about a minute.
Hate Club.
Clickable
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Old Oct 3, 2016   #8
G1cs2d
Member
 
2nd Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 103



Originally Posted by Oxide View Post
it's only triggered when you ask how I saw at that time
I imagine black, and I can actually feel my heart rate going up for about a minute.

I really wanna hear that story.. but ok no.
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Old Mar 9, 2017   #9
MAUbank
Junior Member
 
Yellow Belt
Join Date: Mar 2015



Repeat a lie enough times and it becomes the truth.

Today, I had that epiphany, while reading 1984, which unravels a man's stream of consciousness in a dystopia, written by George Orwell.
A truly dark novel, despite the fact that I have not finished reading it. Nearing the close of the 7th chapter.

War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.

Repeat a lie enough, and it becomes the truth.

I highly recommend it. A true classic.


- Onsola
anonymous> Someone named themselves MAUbank and joined the clan? thats dedication.
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