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Old Dec 3, 2017   #1
Ocean
< / 3
 
9th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,282



my songs

Ḩ̧̢̡̨̻͕̱̠͙̬̦̬͔͖̥̼͉̭E̲̺̤̝̭̜͍̞̦̳̘̬̘͉͎̤̰̲͈P̨̠̳̘͔̮͍̱͜ ̫̜̞̱̮͍̠͜ͅT̡̢̨̤͓͉͓̫̰̠̠̭̯͎̠̝̜̻͙͜I̢̢͔͕͔͚̳̺͕̘̹̲̪̘͔̭̤͜͜ ̟̞Ȩ̨̧͇̤̤̹̱̼̣̮̦͎̬͚̼͓̹̞



Hey everyone. I would love some CnC on my rap music.
I think I came a long way from my last apperence on the forums so let me know what you think.
Just kinda released a new mixtape

Programs used:
Audacity

Tools used:
Blue Yeti
Cheap pop filter

SOUNDCLOUD:
https://soundcloud.com/heptie

MOST RECENT:
https://soundcloud.com/heptie/who

MY FAVORITES (pls listen):
2:https://soundcloud.com/heptie/blunted
3:https://soundcloud.com/heptie/junkie
1: https://soundcloud.com/heptie/brushmyteeth
5:https://soundcloud.com/heptie/pushitalong
4:https://soundcloud.com/heptie/yungsewell

MY BANGERS:
https://soundcloud.com/heptie/lilbit
https://soundcloud.com/heptie/dontfuckwithajunkie
https://soundcloud.com/heptie/wack-wit-da-pack

MY SAD SONGS:
https://soundcloud.com/heptie/cuz
https://soundcloud.com/heptie/fuck-with-me-prod-o-x-v-x
https://soundcloud.com/heptie/idgaf


Thanks, have a good day.

Last edited by Ocean; Dec 10, 2017 at 03:47 AM..
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Old Dec 3, 2017   #2
xXSJXx
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,866



in "COCAINE (PROD. EZ THE ARCHMAGE)" there are something that's clipping, or maybe it's the mic, I'm not sure, but it's really annoying, maybe try to eq the higher freq on the vocals and it shouldn't be too bad. The vocals needs compression, maybe a slight bit of multi compression (I recommend OTT It's free and quite strong).

Now, this is gonna sound rude but hear me out, you should check out an auto tune plugin, the vocals are off key and it'll be easier to practise if you can hear and match.

The Highats sounds a li'll low quality, there are a lot of good sampelpacks and free plugins that can help you with that.

The 808 it alright, don't really see any problems with that, the kick is good, just a little low and I'm not sure if you layerd it with the 808 but if you did, did you sidechain the 808 to the kick if not you should. you should also try to let the kick be around 0db and make it cut a little bit better through the mix.

I was only able to listen to one of the other songs "Blunted Freestyle [Prod. By Emani]"
It was, a lot better, I can't really see any faults in it tbh, I don't really listen to rap/hip hop too much so. Anyway, I like it a lot better.
Bitches Love Cake
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Old Dec 3, 2017   #3
Ocean
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9th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,282



Originally Posted by xXSJXx View Post
in "COCAINE (PROD. EZ THE ARCHMAGE)" there are something that's clipping, or maybe it's the mic, I'm not sure, but it's really annoying

I'm not sure what your'e hearing. Sounds fine to me. The crackling noise was already implemented on the beat. I just put audio over a beat, I dont have a producer. Honestly could care less if its "annoying" to you.

Originally Posted by xXSJXx View Post
Now, this is gonna sound rude but hear me out, you should check out an auto tune plugin, the vocals are off key and it'll be easier to practise if you can hear and match.

Fuck no. In no way, shape or form am I T-Pain... to me this is "annoying"
Originally Posted by xXSJXx View Post
The 808 it alright, don't really see any problems with that, the kick is good, just a little low and I'm not sure if you layerd it with the 808 but if you did, did you sidechain the 808 to the kick if not you should. you should also try to let the kick be around 0db and make it cut a little bit better through the mix.

Again I'm not the producer. You should have known as I credited the maker with a (prod by 'blah blah blah')... but yeah cool beats nevertheless.
Originally Posted by xXSJXx View Post
I was only able to listen to one of the other songs "Blunted Freestyle [Prod. By Emani]"
It was, a lot better, I can't really see any faults in it tbh, I don't really listen to rap/hip hop too much so. Anyway, I like it a lot better.

Thank you I like it too. I have a good voice I believe so I should put it to good use like this song but I like to express whats going on in my life and how I feel currently.

Thank you

Last edited by Ocean; Dec 4, 2017 at 01:40 AM..
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Old Dec 4, 2017   #4
pouffy
M O D S
 
7th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,314



uh


i just listened to a couple here


my first impression in cocaine was that you have no idea how to enunciate. bah-ih-uh day... it took me a couple takes to hear what the hell you were saying.

then this fucking "but to my dismay" bothered me for so long trying to figure out why that whole 7 seconds just made me cringe. i think the first (1st) thing is that you stressed the second syllable of dismay way more than i or anyone else should be comfortable with. maybe reading up on poetic meter should help. the second (2nd) thing, I think, is there is absolutely no precedent in the song for you using a word like dismay so casually. it sounds super awkward, since it's basically the only word above a 5th grade level. the third (3rd) thing is that you 1.) super awkwardly stress this line way more than the one before it 2.) use a conjunction to start it off. both of those have the effect of making it feel like it should be the punchline for the previous line (which is obviously isn't), only to subvert that by tying the next line in too. it makes the whole 3 line segment run on in a super awkward fashion. you need to be hyper-aware of the tone of voice you're rapping each line in and how your tone ties together lines and crafts the narrative.

the "cocaine, cocaine cocaine" bit at like fuckin ~0:54 is awful and i can't believe you didn't listen back and think you should have said that in a way that didn't sound like shit


as for blunted freestyle

it's better, but uh

@0:37 "fags," what the hell is this, 2009?
@0:56 & others you keep getting super fuckin soft and reserved for a second. part of me thinks it could be the mixing but it basically sounds like you don't have a lot of confidence on the mic. everything is so soft spoken.
@1:07 enunciation again; if you can't enunciate at that speed, don't rap that fast. all it does is highlight your weaknesses and doesn't add anything good to the song

basically with most of blunted freestyle you didn't sound awful, but you were totally carried by the production. i could have heard anyone else on the same beat and it would have been the same.


at least you had the ear to make junkie short



i have a lot of the same complaints here across each of these songs. neither your flows nor rhymes are anything but generic, and there are enough blemishes across each song to only leave a bad impression. two specific weaknesses i kept hearing in each of these was your enunciation and your tone/emphasis. you need to actually listen to HOW you're saying everything. so many lines just sound awkward because you said them with strange emphasis. the first step to self-improvement is being hyper-aware of all your strengths and weaknesses in a task. if you have the heart for it, you should have the most critical ear there is for your music. if you don't have the heart for it, you shouldn't be making art.
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<cocacobra> hes like an neckbeardling


Last edited by pouffy; Dec 4, 2017 at 01:17 AM..
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Old Dec 4, 2017   #5
Ocean
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,282



Lets see well i'm very 'hyper-aware' of what I'm writing. I cant believe you would even say I dont have the heart for it. Otherwise I wouldn't be making music. Everything I say I have been through, you should have 'the ear' for what i'm saying and you'll under stand the 'emphasis'.


For instance every drug or line I said in Cocaine was what I was under making the song. "Back in the day I'll sniff a gram to face..." Its suppose to sound sad, soft and depressing. My music isn't normally like that.

If you don't like fag then my bad for insulting you.


I would say it would be hard to criticize if you haven't made a song yourself with 'emphasis and enunciation' because I could always scream and ruin the song. I say words 'strange' to you because that's the way I sound... its me.


Junkie was my worst song so that's how I know you have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't even write one word. It was all a freestyle between me and my buddies in which we all made a song that night all fucked up.


If you're going to criticize me for having a 5th grade vocabulary then look back at what you typed and go to Thesaurus.com.

'rhymes are anything but generic' Go listen to the radio... when have you heard a word of 3 syllables included in mainstream rap. I could give a fuck less.

Lastly chief if you wanna go record yourself saying cocaine go ahead and do it. 'you don't have a lot of confidence on the mic'... No I think I do, I'm embarrassed about my passed so its great to get shit off my chest. Explain how it sounded like shit. Every word was on key and went fluidly into the next line. Its suppose to have a nostalgic feel. Its suppose to sound scary and like i'm scared because i'm scared for myself right now, think about it.

I just got out of detox so i'm in the middle of making a new album while sober... kind of like Blunted Freestyle but more mature, as I wrote that sober.

This is my favorite rapper by the way. Pronouciation is completly out the window. Just like his music, mine is for a person going through the same shit. Drugs.



Thanks for all the positive criticism...

Last edited by Ocean; Dec 4, 2017 at 01:54 AM..
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Old Dec 4, 2017   #6
pouffy
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Posts: 1,314



Originally Posted by Ocean View Post
i'm just going to preface this by saying i'm not sure 100% of what i said actually hit you. when i say emphasis and tone, i mean stressing words//syllables, dynamics (volume), pitch, range, and timbre. there's so much room for creative experimentation there, but there's also an accepted pattern. Stressing things strange isn't cool or experimental, it's just awkward.


Lets see well i'm very 'hyper-aware' of what I'm writing. I cant believe you would even say I dont have the heart for it. Otherwise I wouldn't be making music. Everything I say I have been through, you should have 'the ear' for what i'm saying and you'll under stand the 'emphasis'.

...

I would say it would be hard to criticize if you haven't made a song yourself with 'emphasis and enunciation' because I could always scream and ruin the song. I say words 'strange' to you because that's the way I sound... its me.

I wasn't presuming anything with my saying that you need heart. I was just stating, if you're serious about making the best music you can, you need to be striving to make yourself better. Imo you should be hearing a lot of the emphasis (see above, again) issues that I'm hearing. I sincerely doubt you speak with such an uneven cadence.

Stealing a bit from one of the songs you posted below, Lil Wop has zero of the emphasis issues I'm hearing from you. He has a much more even, monotone emphasis. It's not as interesting as some other more dynamic rappers, but there is far less room to go wrong.



If you don't like fag then my bad for insulting you.

Actually I love fags.




The word is just cringey.



For instance every drug or line I said in Cocaine was what I was under making the song. "Back in the day I'll sniff a gram to face..." Its suppose to sound sad, soft and depressing. My music isn't normally like that.

...

Lastly chief if you wanna go record yourself saying cocaine go ahead and do it. 'you don't have a lot of confidence on the mic'... No I think I do, I'm embarrassed about my passed so its great to get shit off my chest. Explain how it sounded like shit. Every word was on key and went fluidly into the next line. Its suppose to have a nostalgic feel. Its suppose to sound scary and like i'm scared because i'm scared for myself right now, think about it.

I don't want to pidgeon-hole you into a box here, but I'm going to just use Danny Brown as a reference here. Danny Brown is one of my favourite rappers, and most of his subject matter is fucked up shit. Growing up disadvantaged, drugs, etc. He tackles these subjects, vocally, in extraordinarily unique and often diverse ways. In Atrocity Exhibition you can hear him change his voice on a dime song to song. Tell Me What I Don't Know and From The Ground are in a very subdued, less dynamic and deeper sonically voice from most the rest of the album, because he wanted to point out that he's saying serious shit. Ain't It Funny wouldn't make any sense without his vocals being how they are on that track. On XXX, 30, you can hear the change dynamically throughout the song.

It might not be to your taste, but absolutely nothing about how he vocalizes these different moods and themes sounds awkward.


As for "every word... went fluidly into the next line." it's just not really true. Maybe rhythmically you're good, but your emphasis (see above, again) is totally off.



Junkie was my worst song so that's how I know you have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't even write one word. It was all a freestyle between me and my buddies in which we all made a song that night all fucked up.

Man I think you misunderstand, I definitely was not saying absolutely anything good about that song whatsoever.


If you're going to criticize me for having a 5th grade vocabulary then look back at what you typed and go to Thesaurus.com.

There's nothing wrong with using common and understandable words. what i had issue with was you used completely commonplace, simple words, then threw pretentious shit like "but to my dismay." It sounded awkward as fuck.

also what the fuck lmao



'rhymes are anything but generic' Go listen to the radio... when have you heard a word of 3 syllables included in mainstream rap. I could give a fuck less.

Hey man I'm just saying... there's nothing particularly redeeming about your bars. They're average. There's nothing particularly wrong with average, and there are plenty of artists with average/subpar lyrics that get away with it because of great flows, great production, and great artistry.


e: just to add a bit onto slurring and mumbling words - imo a good place to draw the line is some ski mask the slump god type shit. for me it took a little bit before i could get used to understanding his rapping but it's definitely understandable. If the whole first bar of cocaine was slurred no goddamn way would I have understood it. I had to guess from context.

.
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<cocacobra> hes like an neckbeardling


Last edited by pouffy; Dec 4, 2017 at 02:46 AM..
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Old Dec 4, 2017   #7
Arctic
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rant

moving on,

cocaine: i don't really mind the background noise that someone else mentioned, sorta fits the style. however, the samples at the start and the ones you can hear throughout the track (these low-pitched grunts (1:17)) are pretty yugh. i get you didn't produce it, but didn't you select that beat? it's not bad for the genre, except for the samples.

both your flow and tone on the first verse are bland and lifeless as hell. also, idk if your voice is actually like that or if you're forcing this tone, since several rappers do that, like danny brown. in your case, it sounds rather obnoxious and nasal.

i kinda get what pouffy said about ur diction, since you are slurring in the very beginning of the song and it took me a genius annotation to understand that you were saying 'back in the day'

also, the hook... uh, rhyming cocaine with cobain and pain is quite predictable. i mean

overall, i don't think you added much to the track, really. don't even want to be a cunt, it's just that you sounded dead and boring. it's easily forgettable. if your voice is naturally like that, you should probably try to sound a bit more aggressive, so your style could be more unique. i get that lil wop is your influence, but is trying to sound just like him the best you can do? he sounds extremely bland as well



also, i get that you use(d) drugs etc. and that you two wanna talk about the same topic but i mean



it's not just talking about doing drugs, dealing drugs, warring against drugs - it's about how you present it, and your delivery isn't interesting

i'd talk about the other songs but this is too long already

btw i started writing my post before pouffy submitted his last one therefore any coincidence is coincidental

Last edited by Arctic; Dec 4, 2017 at 02:47 AM..
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Old Dec 4, 2017   #8
Ocean
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,282



Funny how you through Peep in there... never have listened to that song but its pretty nice.


'you sounded dead and boring' - Well I totally agree its how I felt at the moment. You should have listened to my other songs. I got some life in me lol.


The only reason I was rashing Pouffy was because he totally rashed me.


Thirdly presenting the way you do drugs in rap is very hard when you under the influence homie.


I like the Danny Brown reference. He does a ton of acid so hes the most if not one of the most enlightened rappers to date. He also should have a ton of motivation behind his music as he has a crazy following. But comparing me to him is totally wack. I don't make music to sound like a philosopher. I make music to express myself. That's just me though I guess.


If my delivery wasn't interesting then explain on how I could help that out.


The whole Cocaine song is a mess as I said before. I was completely fucked up. I don't like going back and editing those types of songs because it gives me a chance to reminisce. Also going through the whole SoundCloud process is a hassle. I made that song a couple months ago and had it private until today because of the shit you're explaining to me. I didn't produce it what so ever I just simply layered the rap over another track of shit. I thought it sounded better than if I just left the original with nothing.

Yeah I didn't like how he said my music was annoying so for him/you in particular I don't care, not to be rude.

'i had issue with was you used completely commonplace, simple words, then threw pretentious shit like "but to my dismay." It sounded awkward as fuck.'

That line that your quoting fitted perfectly I thought. Why you have to pick out a single word is beyond me. "but to my dismay(5 syllables), BITCH <-- (this was used to fill in as a extra syllable for the dismay line) I sniffed up all my cake (6 syllables). Auntie tried to wake me (6), but im at heavens gate (6)".
I don't know maybe it was shit. It kinda hurts my feelings.


"I would say it would be hard to criticize if you haven't made a song yourself with 'emphasis and enunciation'"

'pls no

that's basically saying 'well if you can't rap, then you can't say something is bad!' and that's wrong in so many ways'

Man I totally agree, I was just pissed. Before I made music I would point fingers and say this is shit but now that I make music, to an extent accept and respect all genres and what people put energy into creating.


Nothing was a rant by the way Arctic. Opened up my eyes homie you're fine.


Thanks both of you. I guess I was looking forward to much to some positive comments.

PS; Heres a song for both of you to listen to... Its a loud one I don't know how I feel about it. But you definitely wont have any problems making out words:
https://soundcloud.com/heptie/lilbit
or this one:
https://soundcloud.com/heptie/wack-wit-da-pack

Last edited by Ocean; Dec 4, 2017 at 03:38 AM..
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Old Dec 4, 2017   #9
+Ele
 
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,261
Clan: Blue



I listened to Cocaine, junkie and crybaby. Definitely work on enunciating/articulating the words. Sometimes it's not so bad, but when you've got a passage where you rap for a while with no breaks, you can tend to drawl your words, they blend together and become difficult to understand (listen back to certain parts of crybaby).

Just focus enunciating every single syllable. I bet you'll see a big improvement. I sing, and when I first started I used to slur (or rather, I would cut short/trail off on) my words as well. It took a singing teacher to point that out that I wasn't actually singing the full word, and to get me to change my habit. A bonus thing that happens when you enunciate every syllable is you get greater control over the whole word and how it sounds - Gives you a bigger toolbox to work with. Give a listen to https://vocaroo.com/i/s1NqsUxn3HYL - Take note of how I'm hitting all the syllables, and the vocals are clear (even tho it's a shitty recording from my laptop mic). I'd do a comparison with the same song, except slurred, but I can't even do that on purpose now after learning to enunciate properly.

If you give it a go and you're finding it difficult, it could be because your breath control isn't up to par (diaphragm breathing). More air = more control. There's breathing exercises you can do to make diaphragm breathing while you're rapping come naturally.

Keep it up dude! Thanks for sharing.

Last edited by Ele; Dec 4, 2017 at 05:05 AM..
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Old Dec 4, 2017   #10
Ocean
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9th Dan Black Belt
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,282



Thanks a ton homie!
After school today I'll record one of these two songs I've been writing since I posted this.

Slurring is a bad habit of mine. Hopefully with a clear mind a nicer beat selection I could put some nice music together.

"If you give it a go and you're finding it difficult, it could be because your breath control isn't up to par (diaphragm breathing). More air = more control. There's breathing exercises you can do to make diaphragm breathing while you're rapping come naturally."

This was a great bit of advice. I kinda forgot to look up some techniques as through each song I got better. I was on a slow decline with effort and uniqueness so the breathing shows. I've been a smoker since I was a sprout and even through that I got a great set of lungs. I can do it.

I'm not sure if I would be up for classes but a couple YouTube videos would do me just fine if I pay attention and find a good video.

Now that I'm listening to more music with that in mind, most songs dont have any breathing in them. I dont know if that's a produced aspect or just the song writer being flawless.

When I hear singing sometimes I like to hear the breath breaks so I have a understanding of where my breaths should be and how long to hold them for.

For instance, on the radio this morning I heard some Pink song (a female artist) and I could hear every breath she was making. I honestly didn't like it AT ALL. So I can totally see where your'e coming from. I'll work on it.

Great singing by the way, hopefully you get a nice microphone soon homie and do something with it!

Thanks a bunch.
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