It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Vagina midget, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling abnormally displeased, Vagina midget slapped a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved Dildo was missing! Immediately he called his favorite rape victim, Eater McRanold. Vagina midget had known Eater McRanold for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Eater McRanold was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... stupid. Vagina midget called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Eater McRanold picked up to a very mad Vagina midget. Eater McRanold calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys turn red before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually explosively shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Vagina midget. Why was Eater McRanold trying to distract Vagina midget? Because he had snuck out from Vagina midget's with the Dildo only four days prior. It was a enticing little Dildo... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Vagina midget got back to the subject at hand: his Dildo. Eater McRanold belched. Relunctantly, Eater McRanold invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Dildo. Vagina midget grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Eater McRanold realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Dildo and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if Vagina midget took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least nine minutes before Vagina midget would get there. But if he took the Fetus? Then Eater McRanold would be exceedingly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Eater McRanold was interrupted by seven selfish Baby Giraffes that were lured by his Dildo. Eater McRanold sighed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he aggressively reached for his potato and aimlessly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Fetus rolling up. It was Vagina midget.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Vagina midget was out of the Fetus and went charismatically jaunting toward Eater McRanold's front door. Meanwhile inside, Eater McRanold was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Dildo into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Eater McRanold was frustrated but at least the Dildo was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Eater McRanold indiscriminately purred. With a deft push, Vagina midget opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish zealous...zealot in a tricycle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Eater McRanold assured him. Vagina midget took a seat ridiculously far from where Eater McRanold had hidden the Dildo. Eater McRanold turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Vagina midget was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Eater McRanold noticed a oafish look on Vagina midget's face. Vagina midget slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Eater McRanold felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Vagina midget asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Dildo right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Vagina midget's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Vagina midget nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Eater McRanold could react, Vagina midget aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Dildo was plainly in view.

Vagina midget stared at Eater McRanold for what what must've been eleven seconds. Giggling like schoolgirl, Eater McRanold groped charismatically in Vagina midget's direction, clearly desperate. Vagina midget grabbed the Dildo and bolted for the door. It was locked. Eater McRanold let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Vagina midget,' he rebuked. Eater McRanold always had been a little selfish, so Vagina midget knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Eater McRanold did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he gripped his Dildo tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Eater McRanold looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Vagina midget. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Vagina midget. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Eater McRanold walked over to the window and looked down. Vagina midget was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Vagina midget was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Eater McRanold's place. Vagina midget had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Baby Giraffes suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Dildo. One by one they latched on to Vagina midget. Already weakened from his injury, Vagina midget yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Baby Giraffes running off with his Dildo.

About five hours later, Vagina midget awoke, his ear throbbing. It was dark and Vagina midget did not know where he was. Deep in the arid haunted thicket, Vagina midget was abundantly lost. A few freaknasty minutes later, he remembered that his Dildo was taken by the Baby Giraffes. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enlarged Baby Giraffe emerged from the lemur-infested moor. It was the alpha Baby Giraffe. Vagina midget opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Baby Giraffe sunk its teeth into Vagina midget's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Vagina midget's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than five miles away, Eater McRanold was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Dildo. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ninja star. With a deft thrust, he buried it deeply into his prostate. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Vagina midget... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Dildo that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Baby Giraffes, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.

LOLz!!1


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright Љ www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/
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Damn straight i didnt put no spoiler

It all started when our (former porn) star, mageer, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly concerned, mageer deflowered a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved paper was missing! Immediately he called his former cellmate, bitch boy. mageer had known bitch boy for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were exotic ones. bitch boy was unique. She was attractive though sometimes a little... oafish. mageer called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
bitch boy picked up to a very angry mageer. bitch boy calmly assured him that most legless puppies sigh before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually indiscriminately yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting mageer. Why was bitch boy trying to distract mageer? Because she had snuck out from mageer's with the paper only seven days prior. It was a electric little paper... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before mageer got back to the subject at hand: his paper. bitch boy grimaced. Relunctantly, bitch boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the paper. mageer grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, bitch boy realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the paper and she had to do it skillfully. She figured that if mageer took the curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala), she had take at least nine minutes before mageer would get there. But if he took the dildo wacker? Then bitch boy would be abundantly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, bitch boy was interrupted by six funny-smelling prairy dogs that were lured by her paper. bitch boy yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling exasperated, she fearlessly reached for her ninja star and randomly poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the dildo wacker rolling up. It was mageer.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, mageer was out of the dildo wacker and went charismatically jaunting toward bitch boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, bitch boy was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the paper into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind her time machine. bitch boy was worried but at least the paper was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' bitch boy charismatically purred. With a mighty push, mageer opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying self-righteous ass in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' bitch boy assured him. mageer took a seat uncomfortably close to where bitch boy had hidden the paper. bitch boy yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But mageer was distracted. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, bitch boy noticed a funny-smelling look on mageer's face. mageer slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
bitch boy felt a stabbing pain in her armpit when mageer asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the paper right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on mageer's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. mageer nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before bitch boy could react, mageer randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The paper was plainly in view.
mageer stared at bitch boy for what what must've been two nanoseconds. A few freaknasty minutes later, bitch boy groped flamboyantly in mageer's direction, clearly desperate. mageer grabbed the paper and bolted for the door. It was locked. bitch boy let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, mageer,' she rebuked. bitch boy always had been a little abrasive, so mageer knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before bitch boy did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at her or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he gripped his paper tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
bitch boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from mageer. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for mageer. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. bitch boy walked over to the window and looked down. mageer was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, mageer was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind bitch boy's place. mageer had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral prairy dogs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the paper. One by one they latched on to mageer. Already weakened from his injury, mageer yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of prairy dogs running off with his paper.
But then God came down with His attractive smile and restored mageer's paper. Feeling worried, God smote the prairy dogs for their injustice. Then He got in His spaceship and jetted away with the fortitude of 550,000 Indonesian devil cats running from a oversized pack of long-haired sea monkeys. mageer skipped with joy when he saw this. His paper was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes his favorite TV show, bob saget, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet bloody glove'). mageer was elated. And so, everyone except bitch boy and a few pipe bomb-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.
lol sorry i forget how to make spoilers

t all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Twankie, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly frustrated, Twankie backhanded a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved Weenie was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Twankle. Twankie had known Twankle for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were electric ones. Twankle was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Twankie called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Twankle picked up to a very glad Twankie. Twankle calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies yawn before mating, yet venomous koalas usually exotically cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Twankie. Why was Twankle trying to distract Twankie? Because she had snuck out from Twankie's with the Weenie only three days prior. It was a sassy little Weenie... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Twankie got back to the subject at hand: his Weenie. Twankle yawned. Relunctantly, Twankle invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Weenie. Twankie grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Twankle realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Weenie and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Twankie took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least three minutes before Twankie would get there. But if he took the Twank mobile? Then Twankle would be barely screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Twankle was interrupted by seven abrasive bobs that were lured by her Weenie. Twankle cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she fearlessly reached for her live hand grenade and deftly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Twank mobile rolling up. It was Twankie.
----o0o----

Best.Story.Ever.Period