No Razorsharp lmao. She goes to my school

A) Im to young for cigs
B) Im not going to be depressed and get cancer.


Everytime I think things will be diffrent because of a quazi-deep gesture presented towards me however they always prove to be wrong. Now she utterly hates me because I yelled at her for whats happened. Its very uncomfortable to have someone who you have feelings for hate you, especially when shes friends with all of my friends.

My escape / hobby through all my drama has always been games. My friends truly never support me in there works, and once I asked if they cared if I.. "departed", their reply was "Yes, because then we would have to find someone else to make fun of". While I consider myself rather intelligent, my friends seem to always better me in everything I try. I will study hard for a test and get an 80%, then they tell me how they havent studied and played WoW all night and they end up with 95%. They find me not funny, and themselves hilarious. Toribash changed my momentum a bit because none of them play the game. I and people around me who dont know me personally would be the judge of my sucess. I was playing WoW with them; however, they mocked me in that game as well and "Euls" (my priest) became the laughing stock of Scarlet Crusade. Even to this day if you went to that trade channel and mentioned my name.

Unfortunatly my countless hours spent on this game have proven to less progress as I would like. I would enjoy finally being better at something then most, so that for once I would be the one who acquires some sense of achievement and respect. Iv never been a figure to uphold such aspects. While I understand that I have made progress in my time spent here, I still feel as if im not even touching the greats of this game. Playing many many hours a day averaging to about 80 wins each day, I figure I would play hard, try even harder to get better at this. While its a way to get about this, im only seeing constant and consistent signs of me failing at this goal.

There is very little im looking forward towards now.

hxc, you can always feel better because your more succesful than me.

BBQ, your friends are clearly not friends. They don't seem to care about you, this may sound harsh. However you really do have to find another group of people to hang out with. Find some people that you think have the same likings and dislikings as you, it can really help to find someone with similar opinions and ways of thinking. There are always good things around you, you just need to spend some time looking for them. Rather than dwelling over the bad things all day.

Well. There the only ones I got. And its a small school. I cant really go searching for others. Ummmmm. This was the thing that made me happy. Until recent ... "shittieness" in skill.

She just called me today. She wanted to talk. I was extremely evasive. She then asked if I was okay. (This is because on sunday she said she loved me. On monday we were kinda chill. On tuesday we kinda yelled at each other about something. And since then till now she hasnt been talking to me. So i went through yet another emotional spiral). I said "nothing". She then said in a very like.. sad face way "You told me you would never lie to me". And I was soo tempted to say "You told me you always loved me". But I didnt. Cuz I dont have the guts to hurt her feelings. So she asked me again. I said nothing. Then I told her I dont think im going to talk to her for awhile. To try to get over her. She said thats dumb. I said why should I love you if you wont love me back. Sshe said my logic is dumb and im drawing up dumb conclusions. She then was like w/e. an Hung up on me extremely pissed off. Now I feel extremely sad because I hate that shes upset with me. And I really wish she would be easier with this.

People who may call me their friend:

Robert- Constantly corrects my grammar. Hates my metaphors and comparisons. Belittle's me constantly. Always excels at school whilel doing less work then me. Almost went out with "her". She broke up with me for him once.

Jack- Thinks I am literally retarded. Says I for the most part really obnoxious, dont use logic at all, and I overall fail at life. Basic philosophy is hear what I have to say, then do the exact opposite.

Jacob- ...He is cool. Soft spoken. Almost anti-social. Sometimes belittles me, but he is nice.

Move on.
It's pretty hard to do if you care about someone alot, but if they don't feel the same way, "fuck it", Just get it over with, get something to occupy your thoughts in the meanwhile, it will be hard...I've never felt that close to a girl, but im starting to and just move out before you get hurt i guess...

I <3 you hxc

as lempika's (or w/e the name was) saying goes, find friends that will say:

"if you hurt me, ill cry, but hurt my friends, I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU"

friends aren't just people you hang around with. look inside yourself for a good definition, and try to live by new virtues.

also, play TB more, it helps.

about 4 years ago i fell in love with this grl. it was awesome for a while, but about 6 months in i got mad about something stupid(i cant even remember what it was) and yelled at her. she got all upset and didnt talk to me for an entire week. then out of nowhere her mom just randomly died of cancer that they didnt even know she had. it all happened extremely fast, one day everything was fine, and 2 weeks later her mom has died and her father has moved them all out to tennessee. she was to upset to say anything at the funeral, and after that they just left before i had a chance to say anything else, and i never heard from them again. this had much the same effect as what you said in the first post (loss of self esteem and all that). then i met another grl, but i was so screwed up still that i didnt do anything about it, and she ended up dating one of my best friends. my point is, life sucks, but realizing that isnt going to change anything. you have to work through it and move on or before you know it you'll end up being screwed over again. also, total agreement with blkk, if you have to ask yourself whether or not someone really is your friend then chances are he isnt. i know its imporatant to have other people around, but its better not to have any friends at all than to hang around people who are just going to put you down because they dont understand. oh, and definitely find a hobby. i survived the first 2 years on nothing but literature, and recently ive become a total movie whorre. lastly, i know it's tempting, but suicide isnt going to help anything. all it does is show the faegs that you're ready to give up fighting and that they've won. oh and DEFINITELY PLAY MORE TB!!!! IT GIVES YOU THE HI WITHOUT THE LUNG CANCER!!!
gl man