Originally Posted by CrazyTaco
Please refrain from posting if you're under 13 because chances are nobody will think it's funny.
Originally Posted by GuloWrath
Guy:hey dude...why did this guy ..cross the road... Bought a cheesburger ....went home...and sleeps at 2pm...
Guy2:srsly....i dunno why
Guy:meh...me neither
Originally Posted by Lord
Read OP
As Lord said.
Read OP.
Anyway,
2 in 1 - Blonde joke and man vs woman joke
Another long one, and no I haven't checked if it's already here.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __
Three woman were walking through town one day when they saw a building labelled "FindaMan". Interested, they entered.
A large sign in the foyer told them what the building was all about:
"Welcome to FindaMan. Here you may find a suitable partner for yourself. Each floor of the building contains a room with varying degrees of men, starting at the humblest of men and working up to the most affluent and handsome. Please take your time as you make your decisions."
Now highly interested, the women started up the first staircase and came to level 1, where they found a door and another sign:
"Behind this door are men that have jobs"
The women looked at each other, and one said, "Well, that's a good start but I want more than a man with a job". So they continued to floor 2.
"Behind this door are men who have a job and are handsome."
"Getting better," one woman said, "But let's go to the next floor."
"Behind this door are men who have a job, are handsome and are great with kids."
"That sounds pretty good," remarks one woman, "But I think I want a little more than that. Let's keep going."
"Behind this door are men who have a job, are handsome, are great with kids and are rich."
"Well well well, that sounds very tempting indeed!" a woman muses, "But I can't help wonder what's on the next floor. Let's keep going up ladies!"
"Behind this door are men who have a job, are very handsome, are great with kids, are rich, do the vacuuming, cook, build, and are great lovers."
"This is the best yet!" raves one woman, "But we can't stop here, there's still a floor left! If this is only the second best, I can't wait to get my hands on the best of the best!"
The woman once again take to the staircase, more eager than ever.
When they arrive at the top floor, they find it is completely empty apart from a single sign which says:
"There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists to show that women can never truly be satisfied. Thank you for your time."
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __
Three woman were walking through town one day when they saw a building labelled "FindaMan". Interested, they entered.
A large sign in the foyer told them what the building was all about:
"Welcome to FindaMan. Here you may find a suitable partner for yourself. Each floor of the building contains a room with varying degrees of men, starting at the humblest of men and working up to the most affluent and handsome. Please take your time as you make your decisions."
Now highly interested, the women started up the first staircase and came to level 1, where they found a door and another sign:
"Behind this door are men that have jobs"
The women looked at each other, and one said, "Well, that's a good start but I want more than a man with a job". So they continued to floor 2.
"Behind this door are men who have a job and are handsome."
"Getting better," one woman said, "But let's go to the next floor."
"Behind this door are men who have a job, are handsome and are great with kids."
"That sounds pretty good," remarks one woman, "But I think I want a little more than that. Let's keep going."
"Behind this door are men who have a job, are handsome, are great with kids and are rich."
"Well well well, that sounds very tempting indeed!" a woman muses, "But I can't help wonder what's on the next floor. Let's keep going up ladies!"
"Behind this door are men who have a job, are very handsome, are great with kids, are rich, do the vacuuming, cook, build, and are great lovers."
"This is the best yet!" raves one woman, "But we can't stop here, there's still a floor left! If this is only the second best, I can't wait to get my hands on the best of the best!"
The woman once again take to the staircase, more eager than ever.
When they arrive at the top floor, they find it is completely empty apart from a single sign which says:
"There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists to show that women can never truly be satisfied. Thank you for your time."
C'mon, what kind of horseshit is that? It's a syndrome? Restless leg syndrome? I have no idea what constitutes a syndrome, but it's a hell of a lot more serious than some freakin' wiggly legs.
Yo mamma's so poor, she can't afford to go on welfare.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo mamma's so poor, she got thrown out of a homeless shelter.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo mamma's so poor, she tried to use food stamps on a gumball machine.
__________________________________________________ _________
__________________________________________________ _________
1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.
2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.
3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.
4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.
5) Improvise Italian operas.
6) Gossip about someone to their face.
7) Answer every question with a question.
8) Repeat yourself constantly.
9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
10) Repeat yourself constantly.
11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
12) Repeat yourself constantly.
13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
15) Change what you repeat every now and then.
16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
18) Change what you repeat every now and then.
19) One word: Caffeine.
20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar.
21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomake outwhatyou'resaying.
22) Using non-existent words like George Bush would.
23) Change what you repeat again.
24) Speak in rapid Spanish.
25) Pretend not to know about the rule of personal space.
26) When doing number 25, pretend to have a heavy nose cold causing you to breathe heavily through your mouth. Sneeze occasionally.
27) Change what you repeat again.
28) You are better than everybody else. Let them know so.
29) Rudely correct everybody's grammar.
30) Don't proper grammar use while you are correcting them.
31) Pretend to be drunk.
32) Groom yourself while standing backwards (towards everybody) in an elevator.
33) Change what you repeat again.
34) Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else.
35) Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys.
36) Fine people for stupid things, like being too popular, or having to many teeth.
37) Change what you repeat again.
38) For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.
39) Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.
40) Pretend to be high.
41) Become severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
42) Change what you repeat again.
43) You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that.
44) Speak in Gaelic.
45) Blink rapidly and constantly.
46) Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where.
47) Strut.
48) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
49) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
50) Become "The Masked Wedgie Giver."
51) Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.
Thats all I have
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo mamma's so poor, she got thrown out of a homeless shelter.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo mamma's so poor, she tried to use food stamps on a gumball machine.
__________________________________________________ _________
__________________________________________________ _________
1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.
2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.
3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.
4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.
5) Improvise Italian operas.
6) Gossip about someone to their face.
7) Answer every question with a question.
8) Repeat yourself constantly.
9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
10) Repeat yourself constantly.
11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
12) Repeat yourself constantly.
13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
15) Change what you repeat every now and then.
16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
18) Change what you repeat every now and then.
19) One word: Caffeine.
20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar.
21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomake outwhatyou'resaying.
22) Using non-existent words like George Bush would.
23) Change what you repeat again.
24) Speak in rapid Spanish.
25) Pretend not to know about the rule of personal space.
26) When doing number 25, pretend to have a heavy nose cold causing you to breathe heavily through your mouth. Sneeze occasionally.
27) Change what you repeat again.
28) You are better than everybody else. Let them know so.
29) Rudely correct everybody's grammar.
30) Don't proper grammar use while you are correcting them.
31) Pretend to be drunk.
32) Groom yourself while standing backwards (towards everybody) in an elevator.
33) Change what you repeat again.
34) Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else.
35) Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys.
36) Fine people for stupid things, like being too popular, or having to many teeth.
37) Change what you repeat again.
38) For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.
39) Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.
40) Pretend to be high.
41) Become severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
42) Change what you repeat again.
43) You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that.
44) Speak in Gaelic.
45) Blink rapidly and constantly.
46) Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where.
47) Strut.
48) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
49) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
50) Become "The Masked Wedgie Giver."
51) Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.
Thats all I have
holla holla get dolla
