So I want to keep this as little dramatic as possible, even though my life feels like some kind of movie.
A couple of you might know I have been severely depressed for the past two or three years, for those of you who weren't aware of this, I do not blame you for not frequenting the rainbow doom thread, I don't either, and nobody should, for the sake of humankind. During these years I have been in and out of school, hurt myself, thought about death and realized the world deserves better than me. Needless to say it's been a tough journey that I don't wish for anyone else to go through.
Yesterday I was dangerously close to killing myself for the first time. I did not though, at the moment I do not have the courage. The day when I do have the courage will eventually come. It is not today, but when the time comes I will not be able to write this. There's no way I'm lasting the 60+ years it will take for me to die from natural causes, unless I get some serious help (don't tell yourselves that you can help me with this, the lot of you have already done more than enough for me, even if you didn't do it intentionally. Also the amount of help I would need is simply not possible to send over the internet). Leave my health to me and my doctors please.

I do not wish to die, I just simply wish not to live. Sleep, video games and IRL friends were my only salvation for a long time, now even sleep has begun giving up on me. As of recent I am having nightmares, horrible to say the least, and the last thing I enjoyed in life has started to kill me.

Anyway, I would never be able to leave this world without saying thanks to every single one of you. Friends, fans (if that's what you want to be called), old clan members, haters, video makers, enemies and trolls, you all deserve my deepest gratitude.
No matter what impression you got of me I always appreciated you spamming my name ingame or PMing me hate. It made me feel important, and that plus the distraction this game and its wonderful community has given me is what kept part of me going for so long.

So thank you. And to everyone who has the opportunity, live life for me as well, you deserve it.