""""Asthe air gets colder with each passing day and life outside comesdribbling to halt, the employees of the East Brunswick Red Lobster onHighway 18 grow more and more somber. It won't be long until theirdimly-lit enclave of casual dining is gutted from the inside out,forcing them to tread the streets at night and see where else theycan ply their trade. The cooks are particularly despondent. Withleathery, salt-caked hands, they prepare each dish with a glint oftrepidation in their eyes. For years, they've felt secure in theirpursuit of culinary mediocrity. Nowadays, however, they know theycould be out the door at any moment.
EdLauzon: New England Clam Chowder. Extra potatoes, hold the semen. Gotit.
Aslightly built man with an Anton LaVey beard, Lauzon is theundisputed darling of the kitchen. With the grace of a sand dancerand the speed of a panther, he weaves to-and-fro in the bustlingbackrooms of the restaurant, greasing every cog of the operationwherever he can. He's the linchpin of the entire outfit, the man whokeeps everything running smoothly. In this little microcosm of acookie-cutter seafood eatery, nobody stands taller. Everywhere else,however, he is nothing. That's why more than any other employee, he'sterrified of his company's imminent death and what that means for hisfuture. As each dismal workday passes, he can't help but think aboutall the years he's toiled, not only to earn a living but also to meansomething to SOMEBODY... All for nothing.
Thedread paralyses his mind and spirit, making his chest tighten like awind-up toy. Still, the show must go on.
EdLauzon: I think the new waiter, Mark, ate most of the parsley duringhis break, but that's ok. I can just use the cheese grater on a greensponge over the soup and the customer won't know the difference.
DaneMullark: You better get a new pack from the basement, then. I used upall the sponges we had to soak up Riley's vaginal discharge in thestove.
EdLauzon: Alright.
Lauzonhangs up his apron and steps out onto the main floor, a vacantexpression hanging heavy on his face. He makes sure to grab thegreeter's ass as he trudges towards the basement door, but it's moreout of unconscious habit than anything else. The lights downstairshaven't been replaced in an eternity due to his boss's apathy, so heneeds to pick up the flashlight on the ledge before going down. Therail-less staircase shakes like a fun house floor as he descends intothe frigid cellar below. It's almost unthinkable that such a cozyfamily restaurant could rest on top of such a dilapidated crypt.Walking downstairs is like walking into Hell. A desolate, icy Hellwhere souls burn out rather than suffer.
Lauzonplacidly scans the storage wall with his light to see where he canfind the sponges he's looking for. He sees a yellow pack, but theywon't do. By the looks of things, he may have to dig through thetrash upstairs and just use the ones full of Riley's Chlamydia pus.Before turning around, however, Lauzon idly wonders how far back thebasement actually goes. Normally he wouldn't lollygag while there'swork to be done, but the inevitable layoff that's been looming overhim has eroded his conscientiousness somewhat in recent weeks.
Walkingdown deeper into the barren tomb that normally stays hidden beneathhis feet, Lauzon curiously looks around to find anything of interest.There is nothing. It's apparent the restaurant only uses the areaaround the bottom of the steps for storage, but the addled chefcontinues penetrating further and further into the darkness just tokill time. It takes several minutes of mindless wandering beforeLauzon snaps out of his trance and decides to go back upstairs. He'sjust about to turn around when he suddenly hears a peculiar noiseemanating from the black depths of the cellar.
"Motherfucker!"
Lauzonspins on his heels and shines his light on a door he had previouslypassed over. He warily looks at the plywood entranceway, uncertain ifthe sound had really come from the basement or if he's justoverhearing an argument from the dining floor above.
"Motherfucker!!!"
Thatone was as clear as day. He hadn't heard a damn thing from the worldabove the whole time he was down here, anyway. Tensely edging towardsthe door, not wanting to make a sound himself, Lauzon gingerly pullson the latch to get a peak into the next room. When the rusted hingesfail to budge, he pulls on the door harder and ends up ripping thewhole blasted thing off its frame. Lauzon doesn't have time to cursehimself as his mind is far too overwhelmed by what he sees behind thehole he had just opened up in the side of the wall.
EdLauzon: BABY FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
Thehideous, mangled body plastered on the ground looks as if it had beenbeaten for hours before passing away. Compound fractures jutting fromthe corpse's mush-like limbs give the stiff the appearance ofsomething alien. Lauzon throws up slightly in his mouth, just as muchbecause of the smell as the sight of the repulsive crime. A mound offeces prevents the frozen chef from making out the victim's face,prompting Lauzon again to throw up in his mouth when he realizessomeone (Or something) had shit on this man's face after beating himto death.
Scanningeven more of the room with his light, Lauzon horrifiedly finds whatlooks like a dozen similar corpses scattered all across the ground.Several are shirtless like the first one, but some are wearing whatappear to be bloodied karate uniforms. Lauzon doesn't even try tofigure out what he's looking at. All his mind is trying to do rightnow is tell him to move his legs towards the stairs and get the fuckout of there, but his body simply doesn't respond. As he stands gluedto the ground, hands quivering like a Parkinson's patient's, Lauzonsuddenly realizes the sound he had heard before is growing louder andlouder now.
"Motherfucker!"
"Motherfucker!!!"
"MOTHERFUCKER!!!"
ANew Zealand man with wild, mangy hair suddenly bursts from a roomadjacent to the one Lauzon's looking into and dives into the corpsesscattered on the ground, immediately followed by a massive person ina Snoopy costume wildly waving around a hatchet. The leather jacketclad Polynesian man continues to shout "Motherfucker" ashis Peanuts-garbed opponent jumps onto his back and pulls his head upby the hair, exposing the vulnerable and tender flesh of his neck forhim to attack. Without hesitating, the costumed madman slashesthrough his victim's trachea with the mercilessly sharp blade of hisax. Blood pours from the man's neck like a faucet, inundating thegrimy basement floor and covering the corpses beneath him in a warm,viscous layer of crimson. Despite the brutal injury, the rabid-eyedNew Zealander manages to crawl up to a base and buck his enemy off tothe ground before making a beeline towards the exit.
EdLauzon's entire body quakes as foam spurts from his mouth. He's beenseduced several times before in his life. He's had Riley suck hisdick in the electric closet. Never has he experienced a sexualawakening like THIS. The violently bleeding stranger clutches histhroat as he storms passed the chef and runs blindly into thedarkness of the apparently depthless cellar. The giant Snoopy-man(Whom Lauzon can now see is also bleeding pretty badly from thestomach) quickly follows, charging across the cement floor to catchhis prey and finish the job. After several moments, Lauzon's legsFINALLY start working again and he begins to give chase himself.There's no way in Hell he can miss the conclusion of this ordeal,even if it's painful as shit trying to run with an erection."
"Rushingthrough the blackness, his light waving around haphazardly, Lauzonmakes it back to the base of the stairs. Both of those guys must'vebeen former college ball players to have made it up to the lobby thatfast, he thinks. Creeping up towards the top, he peers around to seewhat kind of action is unfolding but can't get a good look while allthe patrons in the restaurant are frantically rambling around andtrying to escape.
DaneMullark: Jesus Christ, run!!! RUN!!!
Lauzonimpatiently stands up and pushes back against the terrified diners.As he manages to claw his way into the seating area, he can see thecostumed juggernaut ripping apart the joint in a violent effort tofind his wounded enemy. Several patrons still remain curled upbeneath their booths, too paralyzed with abject terror to flee fromunderneath the sanctity of their tables. Lauzon ignores them andkeeps his attention fixated on the gigantic, wanton hunter's pursuit.Just as the chef begins pondering whether or not the slashed-up NewZealander had fled the restaurant along with the crowd, the mangledbohemian suddenly appears at the top of a divider and furiously hurlshimself into Snoopy with a jagged steak knife in his hand.
EddieCobis: I WILL FUCKING END YOU!
Bothfighters sprawl onto the ground, their respective weapons firmly intheir grasp. Lauzon smiles and nods, certain that he is about towitness one or both of these men die. The wound on Cobis' throat isvicious, but it's not an arterial cut. He's not going to bleed outany time soon, and as of now he has the drop on his gargantuan foe.Like a well-oiled piston, he jabs his serrated blade into the broadtorso of Snoopy. Gurgling loudly beneath his mask, the costumedbrawler seems helplessly pinned underneath his mighty Polynesianopponent. The hatchet limply falls from his grip, forgotten in themidst of Cobis' heinous assault.
TheNew Zealander happily digs into Snoopy's chest, certain he'll tap theheart sooner or later and put his opponent out of action for good.The mammoth brawler's dextrocardia, however, keeps Cobis from hittingthe jackpot. Mustering strength previously unknown to him, Snoopybucks Cobis' hips away and achieves full guard. Cobis, stillconvinced he's on the brink of victory, continues trying tomindlessly cut into Snoopy's ocean of a chest only to have thecostumed behemoth swivel his hips and lock onto a weary armbar. Thismaneuver takes the crazy-haired blademan completely off guard,causing him to wildly flail about and only feed into the lock more.Snoopy's long, supremely powerful limbs make Cobis' arm pop andcrackle immediately, forcing the knife to drop out of his grasp andslide down to the debris-strewn floor with Snoopy's own hatchet.
AsLauzon continues watching in erotic fascination, his handsunconsciously unbuttoning his trousers, a petite, blonde-haired womanunexpectedly bursts through the front door of the restaurant wieldinga 9mm pistol. Lauzon's heart jumps as the angry, exacerbated womantakes aim at the two combatants. She has a frightening look in hereyes that would give Ronda Rousey's pre-fight Death Gaze a run forher money.
Snowjay:I am an off-duty police officer! Surrender immediately or I'll turnyou both into maggot-shit!
EdLauzon: NO! NO! THIS HAS TO END CONCLUSIVELY!
Witha hellish war cry, the meek chef unleashes a mind-blowingly powerfulhook kick to the woman's skull. She's out before she hits the floor,but that doesn't stop Lauzon from jumping on her chest and lashingout with a vicious palm strike to her mouth for good measure. Afterthat last blow knocked the woman's jaw out of it's socket, he freezesin place and stares at his handiwork in astonishment for severalmoments, amazed at the picturesque violence he had just committed.Standing back up, Lauzon picks the woman's weapon off the ground forhimself and calmly gazes back at the two warriors to witness theconclusion of their battle.
EddieCobis: ... Motherfucker... Motherfucker...
Snoopyis on top, hatchet in hand. Cobis' arms are too useless to defendwhat's coming next. Lauzon doesn't even have time to pop a boneragain before the New Zealander's face is transformed into a sculptureof the San Andreas fault.
"Sumo"Snoopy Boardbreaker: *ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!*
Thehacking goes on longer than it logically should. After a while,Cobis' face has been split apart so deeply that Snoopy is basicallyjust scraping the floor. Lauzon soaks in every minute of it, though,an unrelentingly blissful smile attached to his face. For the firsttime in weeks, he's not afraid of the future. Whatever this costumedpowerhouse is, that's what Lauzon is going to be. A fighter? Apsychopath? Both? Lauzon isn't sure what job title these two men goby, but he'll learn the vernacular. His life is not winding down, notat all. Red Lobster was just a prelude to the most glorious andjoyful years of his existence. Like Snoopy over there on the floor,he intends to be a master of his craft.
Iam PitFighter."""""
-Holy Moment/Pinkman
