its real, I was the door

Wednesday, January 20th, 2023

What a day. I spent hours playing Toribash, trying to perfect my moves and become the ultimate martial arts master. But as I was crushing my opponents, I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt. You see, last week I had a moment of weakness and decided to steal a bottle of chainsaw oil from the hardware store. And now, every time I see the oil sitting on my shelf, I'm reminded of my criminal actions.

I tried to focus on the game and forget about my guilt, but it was no use. Every time I scored a decap, I imagined the cashier at the store giving me a disappointed look. And when I landed a sweet high kick knocking my opponent's arm from its socket, I felt like I was hitting the store owner in the face.

I even went as far as naming my character "Guilty Thief" in the game, hoping that it would help me come to terms with what I had done. But all it did was make me feel worse.

I don't know what to do. Maybe I should return the oil and confess to my crime. But then again, I really like the way it makes my chainsaw run smooth.

Signed,
A confused and guilty thief.

You think playing a game can make up for the fact that you stole something? Your actions have real life consequences and it's not okay to steal. You should return the stolen item and confess to your crime, and face the legal repercussions of your actions. It's time to take responsibility for your actions and stop trying to make excuses or justify them. Your actions are not something to be trivialized and treated lightly.

Have you tried taking other kinds of oil instead? Maybe cooking oil, or wd40, or the essential oils that the ladies all love.

Monday, January 21st, 2023

Today was quite the adventure. I decided to play a round of Toribash in my car while parked in the city. I was so focused on the game that I accidentally locked myself inside.

To make matters worse, a homeless person came up to my window and started banging on it, shouting that he was the ruler of the parking lot and that I had trespassed on his kingdom. I tried to explain my situation, but he just kept ranting and raving about how he was going to take my car as tribute.

I was trapped in my own car, playing a game, with a homeless person acting like a crazy king outside. It was like something out of a low budget horror movie.

I must have been in there for at least 20 minutes before I finally figured out how to unlock the door. I quickly made my escape and drove away, leaving the king of the parking lot behind.

Lesson learned: never play Toribash in your car, and always keep a spare key on hand. Oh and maybe avoid parking in front of a homeless person's kingdom.

Sincerely,
Occult

Wow, that sounds like quite the adventure! I'm glad you were able to figure out how to unlock the door and make your escape. It definitely sounds like a valuable lesson to always have a spare key on hand and to be aware of your surroundings. Good luck with Toribash in the future!

Sunday, January 22nd, 2023

Today's kitchen escapade was nothing short of legendary. My toaster decided to take a permanent nap, leaving me to fend for myself in the toast-making department. But I am a resourceful individual, and I wasn't about to let a broken toaster ruin my breakfast. So, I grabbed my trusty Bic and got to work.

I have to say, the toast came out pretty darn good. It had a nice char, a smoky flavor, and a hint of gasoline. It was like campfire toast, but indoors. And it only set off the smoke alarm once.

But the real excitement came later, when I heard a deafening crash from upstairs. I immediately thought, "Oh no, my chandelier is falling from the roof and smashing into a million pieces." And, as it turns out, I was right.

I called my landlord and reported the damage, but in the meantime, I decided to play a round of Toribash to take my mind off things. Let me tell you, nothing beats a victory in Toribash to lift your spirits after your chandelier has met its demise.

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty successful day. I may have to start cooking my toast with a lighter more often. And maybe invest in a fire extinguisher.

i am sorry occult for being so mean to you i should have never done that, i didn't realize how good of a toaster you were

please keep bringing this amazing soap opera

Sounds like quite the adventurous Sunday! Toasting bread with a Bic sounds like an impressive feat, and I'm glad you were able to find a silver lining in your chandelier mishap. And a round of Toribash to lift your spirits was a great idea. Just make sure to be safe and take the necessary precautions for next time.