DISCLAIMER: The following thread does in no way endorse, encourage or front alcoholism, especially not towards underage drinkers. If alcohol in some way offends you, I suggest you quickly backpedal from this thread and go watch Charlie the Unicorn or something.

So I've postponed CMon's Weekly for this week for atleast one day, due to me being in an extremely good mood. If I'm in an extremely good mood, I can't rant, and if I can't rant, the rant will, naturally, suck.

Instead you will be getting a summary of what might be the best weekend I've ever had. I wish I could add timestamps but due to completely reasonable reasons, I don't have them.

Well, here goes:

Friday
- Going out on the town for the first time in yonks. The evening doesn't look too bright as me and my friend are unable to find a place to start drinking. I end up going to him. After all, two people drinking and gaming is better than one person sitting alone, drinking and sulking.
- Blood alcohol is rising as we play FIFA 10 against people on XBox Live. Even with an extremely dubious brain-finger coordination, we manage to beat a guy 8-0 before he ragequits halfway through the second half. Things are picking up.
- We hit the local nightclub. A lot of people there today.
- As I'm about to order a drink, a girl that I've never seen before in my entire life grabs my arm and says "you're gonna dance with me!". Despite my efforts in telling her that my dance skills are actually equal to that of a mentally handicapped hippo, we dance.
- Shows out she's from the country. She's got a stereotypical dialect and actually seems pretty modest. She's pretty good looking though, and so is her friend.
- I introduce my friend to them. Her friend quickly picks up the tone with my friend. So...we've got a double date?

...oh I guess it's:
Saturday
- Nightclub closes. I loose my wardrobe voucher on the floor and get kneed in the face when a girl thinks I'm trying to look up her skirt.
- We go (now the four of us) to a nachspiel in the rich part of town.
- The nachspiel is in this huge motherfucking house. They have their own band and they serve an abundance of food and drinks. For the record, I don't know any of these people.
- Shit almost results in a catfight when a random chick starts whinging about my friend to the girl that's currently latched on him. We leave, and then the two girls figure "hey, how about you two come to our place". Why not?
- After realizing the cab drive is heading for the fucking country, way, way, way many miles away, we desperately try to haggle a discount. He doesn't buy the singles discount, and not the seniors or childrens discount either. In the end, we end up getting a "mongoloid discount".
- There's no cell phone reception in this valley. Interesting. They've got horses, and lots of them. Incidentially, the two girls are neighbours.
- You know how they say 'don't judge a book by it's cover'? Well, shows out that a slightly modest and slightly shy girl can be a completely different person in bed. Meow!
- We wake up at 11 am due to the blasted sun shining through the curtains. We figure hey, let's go wake up the others.
- As we enter her friend's house, my friend is sitting in the living room wearing only boxers, wool socks and a Santa's cap. Her friend comes lurching in her underwear and is like "hurrr, good morning".
- After desperately chugging some water and running naked in the snow, I fall asleep on the couch while watching Disney's Anastasia.
- I wake up at 4 pm and quickly realize that "oh shit, I've got a company party to attend in a few hours". We exchange phone numbers and they drive us home.
- I take a shower and change into a suit before cracking open a couple of cans of beer. I arrive at the company party at around 8 pm.
- The employees, including my boss, isn't too uptight about the whole "let's stay professional despite this being a party"-ideology that is so frequently found today. The alcohol is free, and free flowing, and at several points I have so many different beverages in front of me that I get frightened and confused.
- We do The Bird Dance. Fuck.
- I get dressed up with a mullet wig, a fake mustache and "detachable breasts", and get forced to tell jokes for the entire party.
- The shyest and most silent girl at work asks me if I'd enjoy it if she took me home to her place, bent me over and served me some anal buttrape with her strapon. I think I just answered "I'm not really sure".
- We drunkenly invade the local gas station to buy snus.
- I arm wrestle everyone at work. I loose in most cases.
- I get mixed a drink that involves Jфgermeister, Cognac and Battery, among other things. It tastes like red gummy bears and for it's strength, it's dangerously good.
*insert blackout here*

...

*fog rises*
- I'm dancing riverdance along with like 40 other people in the local pub.
- Pub closes, my battery is dead so I can't call anyone, but I manage to hitch a ride home.

*jump in time*

- I wake up at twelve today. Why have I spilled Cognac in my bed?


-THE END-




tl;dr = I had a good time.

Oh, and it's drunken/wasted story time! Share your experiences!

Best story ever. Sounds like it was a kickass time.

I would've been a little scared around the time when the girl was offering you a serving of anal rape via strapon though.

I wasn't scared as much I was suprised. (Like I said, she's normally quite anonymous and doesn't talk much.) Not that I'd ever expect being offered buttsecks by a girl in general though :P

You could seriously write your own books if you wanted to.
Unless working wherever you work is good enough pay already...
Hobby then :P

That's one hell of a weekend cmon,I mean loosing ur virginity big thing. Gratz,(jk ^^)

Wow, that sounded like the best weekend ever.

Wait, what?


But you have some serious talent in writing.
Write a book.

I don't know if it's because I'm not even 18 yet, because I live in Strasbourg or because I should take initiative or whatever but damn, these things never happen to me.
Really good story, beats when you're in a bad mood and feel like writing about controversial subjects, thanks for sharing.

I also had lots of fun drinking yesterday on my sisters birthday party. I was hanging out with the possibly two hottest chicks on earth (really, they were looking like pornstars and were supernice) and yeah, we had a good time. One of them, Katharina, is hopefully going to be my girlfriend soon. We made out, she likes me, and we generally had a good time so things are looking good.

Honestly, I don't know what I would do without alcohol. I don't understand things unless I'm drunk. I think too much when I'm sober. Everything suddenly makes sense and people like me five times as much. Can't wait for the next weekend!

I don't drink on weekdays and I could stop any day. It's just that I don't want to, because getting drunk and going out boosts my social life, and that's a good thing after all.

Nice story. I'd tell you mine but I don't remember. I do a lot of things I don't remember on the weekend. o_O