Since I am quite new to the clan, and with the arrival of jabraman, lets make a get to know each other thread. You should say what you aren't. For example:

I am not an sporty person.

Hello, my name is Lars... And I'm an alcoholic.
No wait, this is not AA.

Err.

Ohai there, I am not an alcoholic.

i am the orange god

wait SHIT! MY SECRET!

well i am NOT an orange minion.

I have a girlfriend.

I am not well trained

I don't do drugs and don't smoke :3
I'm not active ingame!

I never finish anythi-

But really, I never finish things on time.

I never remember to get rid of the monobrow.

I have never ridden my own motorbike without exceeding the speed limit.

I don't have a girlfriend.