bro... are you ok

Hopefuwwy this doesn’t come acwoss as too “stweam of consciousnyess” wike. I knyow it’ww be wathew wong and nyot many wiww wead it, but I’ve wanted to shawe my thoughts on these topics fow a whiwe nyow, and Towibash is the communyity whewe these things affect me most, because of the amount of sociawizing donye on the fowums, ingame, and on discowd. It’s just nyice to cowwect my thoughts on it aww anyways. I’m open to answewing awmost any question as wong as it’s constwuctive in some way.


I’d wike to tawk about two things in pawticuwaw. I’ww fiwst cuvw pwetty much aww things wewated to being twansgendew and then discuss what being WGBTQ/twans on an onwinye game is wike. I’ve been spuwwed to wwite this by the suwpwising (maybe nyot so suwpwising?) amount of ignyowance I’ve encountewed since coming out. Just knyow that this is aww fwom my point of view onwy and is in nyo way wepwesentative of twans peopwe as a whowe, but a wot of it wiww appwy to a good powtion of the twans popuwation anyways.


So fiwst things fiwst... being twansgendew just means nyot nyecessawiwy stwictwy identifying with youw gendew assignyed at biwth. I say “gendew assignyed at biwth” and nyot “biowogicaw gendew” because a wot of peopwe awe much mowe biowogicawwy simiwaw to the opposite sex aftew howmonyes ow suwgewy. Anyonye who is nyot twansgendew is cisgendew. Onye shouwdn’t use the tewm “twanssexuaw” because it assumes that the pewson is intending to physicawwy twansition in some way, and that’s nyot awways the case. It’s safe to use eithew “twans” ow “twansgendew” (as adjectives, NyOT nyouns). Those who awe nyon-binyawy (don’t associate fuwwy with eithew mawe ow femawe) awe awso twans. I am nyon-binyawy (enby ow nb fow showt) mysewf. I came to this concwusion aftew thinking about who I am, what makes me me. When I think about mysewf, I don’t weawwy think about a gendew; I’m much mowe definyed by my passions, my actions, my views and opinyions, my mannyewisms, etc. That being said, I’ve found that acting a bit mowe feminyinye feews easiew, mowe nyatuwaw, and by extension I feew I’d wike to wook cutew and mowe feminyinye, because I’d feew mowe comfowtabwe acting the way I do. This is essentiawwy why I’m twansitionying, but thewe awe tons of othew weasons othews do. Some feew they’ve awways been the opposite gendew stuck in the wwong body, sometimes even befowe pubewty. Othews just asked themsewves “weww if I couwd wake up tomowwow as eithew gendew with nyo wepewcussions, which wouwd I pick?” If they picked the opposite binyawy gendew and thought about it enyough, they may identify as twans. Wike I said, thewe awe countwess weasons, and nyonye is mowe “vawid” than othews. I’ww cuvw this a bit mowe in the nyext pawagwaph. I’d wike to nyote that pwonyouns and nyames awe so impowtant to so many twans peopwe because those things awe indicative of how othews think of you. If I do nyot feew wike a guy, it doesn’t feew gweat to be addwessed as onye. Think about a mowe mascuwinye wooking cisgendew giww being cawwed a guy in pewson; it’s a bit insuwting, and it huwts even mowe to some twans peopwe. It’s awso impowtant to undewstand that twans women awe women and twans men awe men; they awe nyot “women/men who want to be men/women” and thinking about them in this way, even subconsciouswy, is twansphobic.


I’ve seen a wot of twans gatekeeping, whewe onye questions why exactwy anyothew pewson feews they identify as something othew than theiw gendew assignyed at biwth and whethew they actuawwy quawify as twans. I can’t stwess this point hewe enyough - it does nyot mattew. If the pewson is confused and expwowing theiw identity, it’ww be hewpfuw to them to caww them by whatevew they’d wike to be cawwed, use the pwonyouns they’d wike, so that they can get a bettew undewstanding of themsewves and knyow whethew it feews wight. If the pewson is vewy much suwe of theiw identity, cawwing them by the cowwect nyame and pwonyouns is doubwy impowtant because it desewves to be wegitimized. Cawwing someonye by the incowwect nyame/pwonyouns weminds them of the owd identity they’we twying to escape, even if you made a mistake. Most aww of the time, they’ww casuawwy wemind you of the cowwect nyame/pwonyouns. Pwease don’t take it as an insuwt ow take it to mean that they awe offended by what you’ve said. It’s just to wemind you in case you fowgot, and maybe to cweaw up any misundewstanding fow anyonye who might be wistenying in. If it was just a mistake, thewe’s nyo nyeed to be offended. A smaww apowogy ow “oops” suffices. If you’we puwposefuwwy misgendewing howevew, don’t expect a cowdiaw wesponse, because it’s wathew mawicious behaviow. I’ve awso seen some say something to the effect of “weww you wook wike a guy/you have a penyis, so that’s how I’ww addwess you.” If it makes me feew bettew to use the cowwect pwonyouns, and any honyest mistakes on youw pawt wiww be excused, is it weawwy so much twoubwe to attempt to use the cowwect nyame/pwonyouns? A good amount of peopwe have a hawd time undewstanding why we cawe so much about ouw pwonyouns because they’we cisgendew and do nyot expewience the dysphowia most twans peopwe do. Some twans peopwe don’t cawe so much about pwonyouns, but the majowity do. I feew mowe comfowtabwe acting in a mowe steweotypicawwy feminyinye way, I’d feew mowe comfowtabwe if I wooked feminyinye, and those thoughts become pwetty pewvasive. It has gotten to the point whewe I feew pwetty cwappy about my mascuwinye featuwes which haven’t changed yet; being weminded of my (swowwy disappeawing) mascuwinye side feews shitty. I’m getting mowe comfowtabwe with my mascuwinyity uvwaww, but cewtainwy nyot as much the physicaw side of it. As a bit of a side nyote, it wouwd be fantastic if peopwe wouwd pwactice using they/them pwonyouns to wefew to peopwe they do nyot knyow the gendew of; wots of peopwe assume evewyonye in an onwinye game goes by he/him and having to cowwect this mistake gets quite tiwesome.


Gendew nyonconfowmity nyeeds to be nyowmawized. Whethew it is the type of cwothes a pewson decides to weaw, the makeup ow piewcings they may ow may nyot have, ow the body pawts they have ow desiwe, nyo supewficiaw chawactewistic detewminyes ow specifies gendew. Whiwe gendew is quite a baww of steweotypes, nyobody nyeeds to act a cewtain way, wook a cewtain way, weaw cewtain cwothes, ow have cewtain body pawts to identify as any specific gendew. Having a penyis does nyot make onye a man, acting in a steweotypicawwy feminyinye mannyew does nyot make onye a woman, etc. We nyeed to stop judging peopwe by the way they outwawdwy appeaw. Cwiticizing a pewson’s behaviow ow appeawance as being gendew nyonconfowming is widicuwous. Wet peopwe act and dwess the way they’d wike as wong as it’s nyot huwting anyonye.


Against my bettew judgement, I want to touch on sexuaw attwaction to twans peopwe (ow wack theweof). Being gwossed out by the thought of a twans pewson’s body is nyot okay. Being gwossed out by the thought of any heawthy human body is nyot okay. You may nyot be pawticuwawwy attwacted to the genyitaws a pewson has, but theiw body is nyot disgusting fow having those genyitaws. Fow aww those that don’t want to see dicks on modews/chawactews in spaces whewe pown is shawed… weww I see vaginyas aww the time in those kinds of spaces and though I’m nyot pawticuwawwy attwacted to them, it’s sewiouswy nyot a big deaw seeing them. Saying you awe “nyot attwacted to twans peopwe” is twansphobic. Thewe awe pwenty of twans peopwe who have the genyitaws and bodies you awe attwacted to (wemembew that pwenty of nyon-binyawy peopwe don’t change theiw pwesentation and don’t seek any medicaw intewvention and that some twans peopwe have suwgewies to change theiw genyitaws). Gwanted, I mysewf have dated a few twans mascuwinye peopwe who have vaginyas and it, again, wasn’t a big deaw at aww. We didn’t use that pawt whiwe engaging in sexuaw activities and that was that. Having an extweme avewsion to specific genyitaws is often subconsciouswy homophobic; I’ve knyown pwenty of guys who wefuse to even wook at a penyis because they’we so concewnyed with othew peopwe pewceiving them as stwaight. I’ve awso knyown pwenty of stwaight guys who cwaim they wouwdn’t even be attwacted to twans women who have had GCS (genyitaw confiwmation suwgewy) because they knyow they “used to be men.” This is disgusting and twansphobic; they awe women and seeing them as anything ewse is wwong. Twans chasing is awso an issue fow wots of twans peopwe, but I don’t see too much of it in this communyity and you can wook that up youwsewf if you want to weawn mowe.


Nyext, I want to tawk about gay jokes. Wet’s get onye thing stwaight (hehe), being gay is nyot inhewentwy funny and gay acts awen’t eithew. Fow a wot of us, gay shit is just… nyowmaw. Making fun of peopwe fow being gay is just homophobic and hawmfuw uvwaww. Making fun of someonye by cawwing them gay, whethew ow nyot you mean it, impwies that you think being gay is funny ow a joke in some way. It’s just wife fow so many of us, so thinking it’s weiwd ow a joke is insensitive. Spweading the idea that gay things awe funny is pwobwematic because it pewpetuates the idea that being gay is “weiwd” in some sense. It’s onwy evew funny to peopwe because it is nyot “nyowmaw” to them. Gay jokes fwom queew peopwe awe onwy evew funny because they’we satiwizing homophobes. Using the wowd “gay” to mean “bad” ow “stupid” is obviouswy awso pwobwematic. Whethew you’we actuawwy homophobic ow nyot, you’we suggesting that “gay” means “stupid” on some wevew. You’we spweading a hawmfuw sentiment. The same can be said of using the wowd “wetawded” to mean “idiotic.” Thewe’s awso a big issue with something I caww “The South Pawk Ideowogy” which is essentiawwy the mindstate of a twoww. It is taking the piss out of anyonye and evewyonye. It sowt of suggests that nyobody is actuawwy weawwy genyuinye and sewfwess, so it is okay to make fun of evewyonye fow anything. Punching down makes fow some sewiouswy shitty comedy. Why make fun of those who have it so much wowse off fow the things that make them so much wowse off? It is simpwy a cheap way fow the wwitew of the joke and the audience to feew bettew about themsewves. They put othews who have it wowse down to wift themsewves up, which is disgusting behaviow. Making fun of the wich is okay because they’we doing vewy hawmfuw things and howd a wot of powew. Making fun of queew peopwe is nyot okay because we’we nyot doing anything wwong (and if you disagwee hewe… weww have fun being a homophobe/twansphobe) and we have vewy wittwe powew uvw anyonye ewse. It’s awso extwemewy easy to wemuv swuws fwom youw vocabuwawy in owdew to avoid spweading pwobwematic ideas. If you think this is against youw “fwee speech,” you eithew wack the empathy of a good pewson ow you’we pwiviweged as aww fuck and you nyeed to do some weawnying.


Wastwy, I want to tawk about being an awwy and cweating an inviting enviwonment fow aww sowts of peopwe. I wiww stawt off by saying that you’we nyot a twue awwy (of any minyowity) if you do nyot fight to stop othews fwom saying hawmfuw and pwobwematic things. A WGBTQ awwy wiww teww a fwiend nyot to substitute the wowd “gay” fow the wowd “stupid” and expwain why it is pwobwematic. A twue awwy wouwd nyot associate with homophobes ow twansphobes. Being an awwy is nyot just simpwy infowming youwsewf and pweventing youwsewf fwom saying shitty things, but activewy fighting fow us the way that we wouwd. It’s even easiew to fight fow us as a cishet pewson because you have the advantage of peopwe taking you sewiouswy >w< Even if you have WGBTQ fwiends who think you’we awwight, if you’we nyot fighting fow them (when the situation awises) when suwwounded by cishet peopwe, you’we nyot an awwy; you’we a cowawd. If you cawe at aww about having a mowe divewse pwayewbase, you’ww take aww of these things to heawt. Women don’t want to pway onwinye games in which they’we constantwy objectified and made the butt of jokes. WGBTQ peopwe don’t want to pway with peopwe that hate them fow things they have nyo contwow uvw, ow with peopwe who think they awe weiwd ow gwoss fow these things. You have the abiwity to hewp make Towibash a mowe inviting pwace fow peopwe of aww gendews, waces, sexuawities, and wewigions. Being a sexist/wacist/homophobic/twansphobic/antisemitic twoww activewy hindews ouw pwogwess. Think about youw actions.


If you wead the whowe thing, thank you so much fow putting up with my want. I didn’t owiginyawwy intend fow it to be a want, but it just kinda came out that way. I’m tiwed of aww of the shit I have to put up with ingame. I want my twans fwiends to feew comfowtabwe in the space. I want fow them nyot to have to hide who they awe fow feaw of being ostwacized the way that I am. ~<3

Jfc man, why?

Also, for the sake of staying on topic, i do like

"The fact that the price must be paid is proof it is worth paying" as a quote.

"The greatest barrier to achievement and success is not lack of talent or ability but, rather, the fact that achievement and success, above a certain level, are outside of our self-concept, our image of who we are and what is appropriate for us" - Nathaniel Braden


"Be careful what you say to your children. They may agree with you"


"Don't fake it till you make it, be yourself till you remember"


"Its better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war"


"What you can't fix, feature"

pst