Hi everyone, I don't have a better more private place to say what I need to so I guess I have to make a thread.

I hope everyone is doing well.


I want you all to know that I've made a lot of changes to myself and in my life that are healthy changes. I'm doing well.


I want to apologize for my inexcusable, awful, terrible, selfish, uncaring, disruptive, destructive, depressing, and.. just everything.. I can't put enough words down to really explain how awful my entire outlook on life, my mental health, physical health and my behavior was a few years ago on the forum and in discord. I treated all of you like shit and didn't consider how my words effected other people and I didn't care. I was so depressed and my mental health was so bad I couldn't find a way to get better. I lost my compassion, my empathy, my hope, my positivity, my caring about what is really important. I was on a road to death. I was using all kind of the most awful drugs to try and escape and make myself feel better from the downward spiral I was on. I am sorry for my awful behavior. I am so sorry.. I love this community and this game, all of you. Staff, players, discord ppl.


I wish I could write something better on just how much I apologize. I'm not good at apologizing, and please don't take anything I'm saying now as a half baked attempt. I really mean it. I am so sorry to all of you. Many of you I have known for well over 10 years now. I treated you all like crap. I've said awful things in public spaces and in private, I was out of control and lost. I was having a mental health crises. I'm not making that an excuse for myself. At the end of the day I still said terrible things and that was my choice. I didn't mean to be malicious towards any of you. I cherish this community and all of the years that I have been a part of this wonderful game. I don't know how to make amends.. I'm so sorry to all of you and I still feel bad from my actions. I miss all of you that I used to talk with daily in discord. I miss being more of a part of this community. I miss everyone. I don't ask you to forgive me for my inconsiderate, unhinged, negative and just overall horrible behavior. Because I know I've probably said things that some of you may not forgive me for. I am sorry. I miss being in the discord. I really really miss it, I miss all of you.... especially the people I worked with and chatted with on a daily basis in #staff-offtopic.. I miss chatting about horribly dangerous chemicals and prion diseases and compressing files and space and all the silly stuff we used to talk about. I miss seeing Shooks' art and doodles. I miss everything. I miss all of you. I consider most of you to be friends and close friends that I've known forever.


I don't know how to say it any better.. I just hope you can forgive me.. This community and game have been a huge part of my life and I have had so many great times and have so many good memories. I always had someone to talk to through good times and bad. I acted like an inconsiderate jackass. I am really truly deeply sorry for everything. I want everyone to know that I've been sober since January, I go to church now, I've seen psycologists, I talk with my pastor and my family. I got a nice job working as a pharmacy tech that I absolutely love. I changed my life around and I'm feeling so much more happier and I am so much better now. I can't imagine myself without this community, it really has been a large portion of my time in my life. I know I'm probably missing some things in this post that I did, I just can't remember everything so clearly anymore. I just want all of you to know that I deeply regret and apologize for my awful behavior and I hope one day I can be allowed to come back to the discord and be able to talk to everyone again. I love yall. I miss yall. I am deeply sorry . I also want to thank all of you for your leniency with me when I was ill and being a complete shit bag of a person. I've been wanting to make this apology for a long time and I just haven't been able to put it all into words. I've also given a lot of time for things to settle. I hurt this community and I hurt myself through my actions. This community that I owe so much to and that I love. I am sorry (⁠ب⁠_⁠ب⁠)