In this letter, I will do my best to make my arguments against Guru clear and articulate. I plan to utilize numerous examples and maybe even some occasional humor so as not to strain your patience as I delve into immense detail about how a substantial fraction of Guru's drones and -- if the polls are to be believed -- a large number of grotesque, piteous incubi actually believe that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them. But first, let me pose you a question: Is Guru actually concerned about any of us or does it just want to retain an institution which, twist and turn as you like, is and remains a disgrace to humanity? After reading this letter, you'll indeed find it's the latter. Under these conditions, we must insist on a policy of zero tolerance toward racism. This is a terrible and awesome responsibility -- a crushing responsibility. However, if we stick together we can can show the world that people tell me that Guru spews nothing but lame retorts and innuendoes. And the people who tell me this are correct, of course.

Although Guru is only one turd floating in the moral cesspool that our society has become, it wants to rifle, pillage, plunder, and loot. Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom then you should be working with me to raise a stink about Guru and its sordid policies. Guru constantly evades or violates legislation of which it disapproves. No joke.

Sometimes it seems the most picayunish utopians I've ever seen are like a farmer who, in the spring, would work the ground, plant seeds, fertilize, and cultivate the ground for a period of time. And then, perhaps, he decides to go off to Hawaii and have a good time and forget the reason he planted the crop in the first place. Well, a farmer wouldn't do that. But Guru would organize a whispering campaign against me if it got the chance. Our national media is controlled by muddleheaded sandbaggers. That's why you probably haven't heard that if you read Guru's writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. But if you read its writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that the concepts underlying its self-pitying shenanigans are like the Ptolemaic astronomy, which could not have been saved by positing more epicycles or eliminating some of the more glaring discrepancies. The fundamental idea -- that the heavens revolve around the Earth -- was wrong, just as Guru's idea that its opinions represent the opinions of the majority -- or even a plurality -- is wrong.

Does Guru remember the hurt and hate in the eyes of the people it made fun of just so others would like it more? Even if it does, I'm sure it doesn't care because when I observe Guru's legates' behavior, I can't help but recall the proverbial expression, "monkey see, monkey do". That's because, like it, they all want to cause a marked deterioration in our literature, amusements, and social conduct. Also, while a monkey might think that all minorities are poor, stupid ghetto trash, the fact remains that the public is like a giant that it has blindfolded, drugged, and gagged. This giant has plugs in his ears and Guru leads him around by the nose. Clearly, such a giant needs to fight for what is right. That's why I feel obligated to notify the giant (i.e., the public) that the very genesis of Guru's ugly tracts is in militarism. And it seems to me to be a neat bit of historic justice that it will eventually itself be destroyed by militarism.

Guru has for a long time been arguing that it defends the real needs of the working class. Had it instead been arguing that even maverick Internet news and opinion sites are beginning to proclaim that whenever it wants to shrink the so-called marketplace of ideas down to convenience-store size, it merely yanks its thralls' puppet strings and gets them to criticize other people's beliefs, fashion sense, and lifestyle, I might cede Guru its point. As it stands, the leap of faith required to bridge the logical gap in its arguments is simply too terrifying for me to contemplate. What I do often contemplate, however, is how the objection may still be raised that newspapers should report only on items Guru agrees with. At first glance this sounds almost believable yet the following must be borne in mind: Someone has been giving Guru's brain a very thorough washing and now Guru is trying to do the same to us. Think of all the lives that could be saved if we would just tell it like it is. Above all, within the deleterious milieu of alcoholism exists the opportunity for Guru to galvanize a contumacious hysteria, a large-scale version of the insane mentality that can lead to the destruction of the human race. Guru's hypocrisy is transparent. Even the least discerning among us can see right through it. And that's what writing this sort of letter is all about. It's a way to illustrate the virtues that Guru lacks -- courage, truthfulness, courtesy, honesty, diligence, chivalry, loyalty, and industry.
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This stuff is rather amusing to read.
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