been really inactive and stuff sorry
found a job waiting at a pretty fancy restaurant and i start training on tuesday (my friend works there and got tipped like $100 the other day) so I'm pretty keen to start working

Inactive people

2018 is gonna be an okay year or nah ?

DEBATE!!


how was rehab? oops the edit button is not the quote button

how was rehab?

ps I found the quote button

Yeah it was alright. I mean, it's super fucking painful to sit and meditate for the majority of your day, but that pain dulls after a few days.

In terms of becoming Buddha and turning transcendental, nothing like that happened. What did happen was I found a renewed solidified focus for making music. Not having access to any instruments for the whole time there and not even being allowed to make any utterances was new to me and it felt horrible. I discovered how essential making and expressing myself through music has become to me.

So it's further pushed me in the right direction I think, and made me realise that yes, music is a part of my base condition now. It makes me remember an idea I encountered a while ago - There's a difference between 'doing' and 'being'.

'Doing' has to do with choice and action. 'Being' has to do with existence. If you pick a career where it feels like you're constantly 'doing' stuff all the time, that's going to wear you down and you won't be happy. If you pick a career that is predicated on you just being you, existing naturally, then you're bound to be happier. Music feels like it's a by-product of my existence (it doesn't require me 'doing' anything, it just ebbs and flows within me naturally). It's something I do normally and when I was denied the ability/permission to let it 'be', I found that troubling.

So the meditation retreat confirmed for me that music is a part of my being, and that I'd be silly to pick any different career that would require me 'doing' something that's not intrinsic to me.

Ok

Glad to hear everything is alright Ele. Hope all is well and I look forward to hearing some new tunes

be more sociable

Will consider.